Adventures of a Thursday Night

There's something about the adventures and misadventures of pulling an all-nighter with good friends that is extremely enticing.

Last night had a mist of excitement in the air, even before I had any solid plans.  The night started with a B-roll movie at Replay, a small entertainment exchange in downtown East Lansing.  Basically this event consists as follows:

a.  You hang out with a bunch of hipsters, nerds, and people of all different breeds.

-It's really rather relieving being in an environment with a bunch of people who normally wouldn't fit in the same social circles.

b.  You watch a crappy B-roll movie

-Movies that kind of suck, and are very raw and 'edgy'.

c. You vocally criticize and narrate the film as it plays, commonly making fun of it.

-This also fits into the category of meeting new people because you converse with those around you

Basically, it was a great experience.  I was expecting a bunch of nerdy gamer kids, but there happened to be a lot of really cool people there, not to mention the most adorable 'shy-guy' I've ever met.

***

Once we left Replay, I headed over to BJ-M's, where I met Bethany, one of my tightest girl friends.  We hung out, watched movies, watched Tales From the Crypt, and just had a good, relaxed time.  Around 5 AM Bethany and I decided a McDonald's run was in order on the way home considering that they were now serving breakfast, however BJ-M, being the douche bag we all love and adore, wanted us to pick him some up and drop it off, which was completely out of the way.  After much bickering we decided not to go to MD's.  Then, as if a fluke, on the way home Bethany turns to me and says, "Lets go to McDonald's and just not tell BJ-M".  At that moment Bethany became my new favorite person.

***

We walk into McDonalds.  I was rather loopy do to the time, and Bethany was still a bit intoxicated, and by a bit I mean adorably tipsy.  As we enter we are addressed by some guys who appear to be intoxicated, but we aren't sure.  They greet us and then invite us over for beer pong...at 5 in the morning.   We are then sure.  I politely decline for us, since Bethany had an 8 AM this morning, and they weren't very nice after that.  They left.

We then order, get our food and sit.  Two adorably drunk boys enter and ask us if they could join.  We obliged and chatted.  Not going to lie, I would have loved to hang out with them even though it was ridiculously later... or early.  We  exchanged digits and dropped the boys off at their house.

***

Nights like last make me happy to be young.  I dread the day that I have to go to bed at promptly 10 PM, after reading a book like "How to Battle Being Middle-Aged".

St. Patty's Day

Let me just say that St. Patrick's Day will always leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Last year it was right after I broke up with Ex-Boy.  I was around annoying drunk people the whole day, stuck really far off campus with no transportation anywhere.  I finally sobered up and played DD to a party my friends were having that night.  By the time we got there everyone had been drinking all day long and were so on edge that it just wasn't any fun- for a lot of people.

Then I looked over and there it was, Ex-Boy, whom I had only been broken up with for two weeks, yet we still hooked up the week before (I had a hard time letting go), making out with a girl that was brought along to the party with one of my friends.

Needless to say I spent the night in tears.

*****

This year wasn't any better.

First off it was a stressful day of classes, which, when they ended I had a gruesome paper to write that I had been putting off for over a month that was due two days prior (I got a couple days extended).

After I finally finished the paper, which normally should have only taken me an hour or two to write, yet took me four hours to finish, I got ready for film club- something fun, right?

Well BJ-M decided that none of them were going to go, and I already agreed to meet an acquaintance there.  So I was stuck, without any of my confidants, attending film club expecting to see the Pres there.  Luckily he was too much of a pussy to show his face.

A good friend, we'll name her K Girl, ended up coming by and we went to BJ-M's place, despite that fact that he pissed me off by not attending last minute.

*****

We walk into a house, which you must imagine, that I know like the back of my hand.  I've basically lived there the past three and a half months.  The guys that live there are my best male friends, and know more than most about me, vice versa.  It's the kind of friendship that I can just show up unannounced and we end up hanging out cooped up there for three hours straight.

We have a solid group of friends that party and hang out with us that we very rarely stray from and if we do it's usually only one or two randoms that show up.

So I walk in and walk downstairs to where there is a plethora of party voices, only to find SEVEN people whom I have absolutely NO idea who they are, and only TWO of my friends.  You must understand that to walk into a situation like that with no prior warning is very uncomfortable.

It turns out that these are people BJ-M  and friends met on spring break in Panama.  One of which, is a girl BJ-M was obviously hooking up with considering the fact that she CLUNG to his arm as if the world was going to end...ALL night.  If that wasn't annoying enough, she was extremely unfriendly when I attempted to talk to her.

The time I spent trying to enjoy myself with K Girl and Jar (another friend), was soiled only by BJ-M coming up to me and whispering in my ear "oh my god you're so poutty, stop pouting!  wow you are so mad at me!  You are so mad!  You're pouting so much!"

*****

Truth is, I was really trying to have fun up until that point- I was singing along with the music, dancing with my friends.  But after he kept doing that- which is what he obviously wanted to see me doing, and after the hooker that was clinging was as unfriendly as she was, I really did start to pout.

I sat there with phone in hand, and played on it for 2 hours.  Once I was finally okay to drive I up and left, barely saying goodbye to anyone.

I turned to the hooker and throw her a quick "nice meeting you," without really even looking at her, and leave.

What probably pissed me off the most was the fact that BJ-M was a completely different person in front of this girl.  He wouldn't even play the music he liked (hardcore) until she left, but when she came back he'd switch it off.  He barely talked to me and Jar because we are the prime people he likes to freak out on, which I'm sure he didn't want to do in front of her, even though we all know he's only joking around, or that's just how he is.

*****

I don't care anymore.  I'll admit it.

I don't have those kind of feelings for BJ-M anymore.  But I definitely am the competitive, jealous best friend.

I don't like change- especially when I see it going in a bad direction.  Anyone who asks you, or you feel you must, change yourself for, isn't worth it.  Who I am is too important, more important than some college hook up or relationship.

I think I need a break from my group of friends now.

Party Hardy

The other day I was in an unhappy place- but I'm much better now :)

Yesterday was my last day of doing PBT's- so naturally after I took my last one I went over to BJ-M's place and we got our party on.  All my friends came- and it was a blast...what I remember of it haha.

Basically I started drinking at 2 in the afternoon- the boys pegged me to be passed out by 6 PM but I told them I could make it until 9!  I killed a 5th of Captains, a 4 shot white russian, a 6 pack of beer, and a couple games of beer pong...and I made it past 9- hell, I made it to 3 AM!!! How? I have no clue- however I am told that I took a 45 minute power nap haha.

I'm just so glad to be done with the whole thing.  Now I have to make it through Friday then off to Canada I go to party it up for a girls night!

I can't wait!

A Day in the Life

Well I am obviously back to work, since normally I wouldn't be posting at 1:30 AM when I have a 10:20 class in the morning.

Today I've got a lot done.

It was the first day of classes, so in addition to attending all of them I started up my fight for the Michigan filming incentive.  I must say it's going well.  The facebook group really picked up, my article got published in my Universities newspaper, and I've been in contact with a number of other newspapers in Michigan.  The work is not even close to being done though.

In happier, lighter, younger news, I'm off probation, in officially, 6 Days 7 hours and 20 minutes.  YAY!  Since this day happens to fall on MLK jr. Day, my friend BJ-M is throwing me a 'MLK-Danielle is off Probo Day' Party.

Should be fun, however I don't plan on remembering it ;)

I had started this semester off with 17 credits.  Then I decided to drop a class, and go down to 14 credits.  However, today I just found out that BJ-M is in the class I just dropped, so now I need to try to get back in it because, well, how could I turn down the opportunity to have that much fun in a class with BJ-M?!

I'm so tired.  Only an hour and 50 minutes until I'm done!!

Whoa!

Wow! All of the sudden I feel stressed and classes haven't even started yet! Here's what's going on:

1. I'm off probation in 8 days- yup a week from tomorrow, I'll be free!!!

2. I'm starting a state-wide, student coalition to save the Michigan Filming Incentive which is going to be taking up a LOT of my time, effort, and energy, but it's all for a good cause!

3. Classes start tomorrow- I'm signed up for 17 credits... I think I'm going to be dropping a class.

4. I love my friends. This break has been amazing all due to people like BJ-M, FA, NNBoy, Lauren, Beth, Tricia, Roomies A-B-and C, and CS.

Now and Then.

When I was in high school I never had a solid group of friends. I kind of was a nomad- traveling between different groups. Aside from Ex-Friend, whom I've never talked about (it's a long story which I'll post about a different day), every year I had different friends that I'd hang out with. Ex-Friend would come along for th trip, also changing her friends each year. I don't know why this is, if I had to guess it's because I didn't know who I was, thus I didn't quite know where I fit or what kind of friends I wanted.

It's weird looking back on that time because I'm in such a different place now; a better place. I have a real solid group of friends, in whom I love to spend time with, I've been so busy over break, which isn't normal considering breaks for me are usually pretty boring, and I had, probably, the best New Years Eve/ New Years ever.

It's nice to look back and realize, for now at least, that you've found yourself.

It's refreshing.

A New Year

New Years Eve/ New Years...

A film club friend, we'll call him BJ-M, decided, after much applied pressure from me, to throw a New Years party.

The whole day of NYE was spent drinking.  My friend, Beth, came over and we drank Mimosas, cranberry and vodka, bacardi and lemonade, and more.  We maintained a constant buzz all day as we prepared for the night.  Another friend, SM, came up from home.

We went over to BJ-M's place around 6:30.  I was pretty drunk by 8.  We left for an hour to attend another party, and returned by 9:30.  We all drunkenly watched the ball drop and then danced and sang (read: screamed) to music blaring from BJ-M's Bose speakers.

Next thing I know, I'm full on making out with FA (remember him?).  We are standing, making out in the center of all of these people dancing and singing to random music.  We make our way to a not-so-private chair in the corner of the room.  Lets just put it this way- things got heated, perhaps a little too heated for public.  Can't say I didn't enjoy it- but it is now the new year.

New years brings new resolutions.  I've thought this over.  I have some good ones.  I feel as if I say them out loud, though, I'll never actually succeed.  So for now, I'm leaving them to myself.  Lets just say, though, they don't involve random make outs in public- nor do they involve going over to NNBoy's to "watch a movie".

Time to clean up my act.

With that said, New Years this year, was probably the best party I've ever been to.

Not to mention both of my friends were total vixens, both bringing in the new year with new men.

Way to go girls.

What Happens After High School

It's so weird how people change after high school. Yet, around Christmas, we all act as if it never happened- as if we never just up and left our lives in our hometowns and went away to university- this will be the second year of that for me.

For me, college couldn't have come soon enough. The friends I have that went to my high school I didn't really become friendly with until I was in college. I mean of course there's the select 3 that are my best friends, whom I've known the longest. Other than that though, I was never real close with anyone.

Being home what else is there to do than see those people. Than learn about their new lives and see how much they've really changed. Not everyone changes in a mental or emotional way though- some changes are more physical.

Me for example- most don't know about 'the surgery' I had after graduation, before college.

A good friend of mine just had a 'surgery' of her own. I must say she looks amazing. It's weird how her life is going to change so much now, not just because of the surgery itself, but mostly just from the extreme amount of confidence that accompanies it.

I'm not condoning plastic surgery (although I pretty much am) but those are the kinds of things that happen after high school, after all those awkward stages, and all.


Change- sometimes it's just strange to think about.

A Post In Response to a Reader and an Evening of, Well...I Don't Know.

Part A:

Jest (who's blog is AMAZING by the way)  wanted to know why I think NNBoy is a player.  So I thought I'd address that because, as she pointed out, I did mention that before.

The reason I believe this is for a couple reasons.

1.  He's the kind of guy who throws out these wonderful lines that you only hear in movies, to make you (me) feel amazing.  Which got me to thinking- he's way too good at this.

2. The night that NNBoy came to my apartment party he got pretty drunk.  Of course, me being semi-sober, I thought it was a great idea to encourage him to keep drinking.  Well in leu of that, he was unable to even read his text messages- in which he asked me to read one of his.  NNBoy has a fancy phone.  The kind that shows you not only the text in which he received, but the string of texts pertaining to that particular one.

I got to not only read that he is using the same material with some other girl, but also that she might be coming up for a visit and they are planning to see a film together.  Of course I jokingly told him "Wowwwww NNBoy I see you use that line often."  In which he responded- "What?  I mean, she's just this girl  thats been blowing me off and stuff- She offered to pay for a movie so I accepted, thats all- how do I know that you don't have a string of guys that you talk to..etc. etc."

3. Everytime I brought it up- you know, that he's at "playa status" he wouldn't deny it- he would just say something along the lines of "like your phone isn't blowing up from thousands of guys"

4.  He's admitted to the fact that his best friend truly is a player.

To be quite honest- none of this matters to me.  We just met.  I'm trying my hardest not to fall too hard for the kid, and knowing that he could be a player is helping me to keep my guard up a bit.

Part B:

It's funny that Jest has asked about him because tonight him and I hung out.

I had baked cookies today, so I brought over a tupperware of some.

EB: "Hey.  I brought you a present"

NNBoy: "Oh yeah?  Oh..I'm so full"

EB:  "Okay...well eat them later then"

No "thank you for the cookies"- Nothing.

The rest of the night wasn't any better.  It consisted of us 'jokingly' fighting/picking on each other back and fourth.  Unlike most of the times we hung out, he wouldn't cuddle with me.  When I jokingly tackled him he wouldn't kiss me, and when I threatened to leave he didn't care.

I mean, yes, we were joking.  However, if I wanted to be jokingly insulted half the night, I would have called my brother and had a lovely conversation with him.

I finally told him I was leaving and got up.  I told him he might want to come lock the door after me and his response was "I'm not going to get up only so you can come back in here 3 minutes later."

That did it.  He challenged me- I had to.  I left his apartment, left the apartment complex, and drove a couple miles down the road to a friends place in which I spent the night with 4 of my film club guys goofing off, drinking beers, and watching films.

I must say I enjoyed myself much more with them than with him.  Oh, and also- they showed COMPLETE appreciation for the cookies I brought them.

I didn't want to end the night with NNBoy on a bad note so I texted him "Have a good Christmas, see you after the holiday."

His response: "I don't chase if that's what you thought would happen but thanks you too"

My response: "I didn't.  I went out.  Thanks."

I don't like playing games, and I'm not going to put up with someone if I don't think they want me there.

I would, however, like to know what my readers would have done given the same situation.  Was I too harsh?  Did I get my point across?  Do you think NNBoy will ever want to see me again?

I get myself in trouble

The thing about hanging out with all guys is that I forget that, in reality, I'm not just one of the guys.

I am a girl.  A girl who finds some of her guy friends attractive.  When the liquid courage is flowing and I'm basking in the fact that I'm hanging out with a bunch of attractive guys and I'm the only girl, I forget that most of them don't look at me like that.  Rather, just one of the guys with my own little quirk (mine just happens to be that I'm female).

Don't get me wrong- obviously, based on what happened in leu of our winning the film competition, some of them don't just look at me as one of the boys.

But for the most part, that's how it goes.

Although it'd be nice to say- yeah I get to hang out with all of these guys and they all want me; I can't.

And you know what?  I think I'm okay with that.

Sometimes it's nice to just hang out with the opposite sex with no sexual tension in the way.

Go Red Wings!

The city of Detroit always provides me with the best stories.

So, instead of doing what everyone else at MSU is doing right now, which is studying like crazy for finals, I agreed to accompany my friend, Koz, to the Red Wings Game tonight (last night?).

My schedule for today was- wake up, miss blowing, be hysterical, talk to probation, calm down, go home, go to the wings game, go get food, come back to MSU, and work 3-7 AM.

Not much time for anything remotely resembling sleep.

~~~~~~~~~

Koz and I meet up and we drive to Detroit (the Joe Louis Arena) for the game.  For some reason, probably because I've only ever been to a wings game when I was little, I didn't think the JL Arena was in D-twon.  But it is.

So we took the People mover to the arena from where we parked (the ren center).

~~~~~~~~~~

Before we went, Koz had told me our seats are a surprise- knowing Koz I knew this either meant they were really really good, or really really bad.  Well I was lucky- they were really really good.

We were sitting in section 114 (ground section) row 3 (right  behind the goalie) seats 5 and 6.  AMAZING seats.  My pictures turned out awesome.  Not to mention the wings kicked ass- won 4 to 3 in OVERTIME!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the game it's time to try and find our way out of the madness.  First we wait in a ridiculous line for the people mover.  Bad idea.  After thinking about it thoroughly we decide to walk aimlessly around detroit trying to navigate to the Ren Center from Joe Louis.  Not very easy, let me tell you.

We end up deciding to walk through Cobo (some big building in D-Town).  While we are walking a man approaches us.  Of course, he is one of Detroit's finest (a bum). 

Bum:  Everyone needs to get one of these! (holds toothpick up with a little american flag attached)

Koz: (being the sweet guy he is) Thanks!

Bum:  want to make a donation to the vets now?

Koz: I only have a 20 on me

Bum: I have change

Koz: give me 15 back. (bless his soul)

Bum: wanna give me another 5 dollars for your wife?

Me: I don't need a flag, thanks.

So within the course of five minutes Koz got conned into giving this bum 5 dollars.  And we apparently pulled off the married look.  Cute.

We then decided the whole walking idea was, in fact, a bad idea.  So we hopped on the People mover at Cobo.  Finally made it to the car after getting lost inside the ren center, then grabbed a bite to eat at Denny's.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After all of that I drove back to Lansing.  I'm surprised I didn't get into an accident or pulled over considering I was pretty much falling asleep at the wheel.  I had to pull over a couple times to regain my composure.  It was a stressful drive.

The game, however, was totally worth it!

Things To Look Forward To

-Wings game

-The holidays

-Winter break in general

-Pistons game (?)

-New Years

-New classes

-January 19th

-January 29th

-London/Paris in the spring

-April 14th

8 Drinks Deep

My friends...are the best 'wing-girls' ever.

Last night, I brought my three friends (see halloween post) along with me to the premiere of our film.  When they got in the car I noticed they were all pretty trashed.  "Great!" I thought, "This is going to be fucked up."  I'm not going to lie, I was worried that they were  going to embarrass me, or seem annoying to my film club buddies.

Honestly, I had nothing to worry about.  Film club boys all loved them.

After we won we decided to take all our prize money and buy shit tons of alcohol.  We were on a mission to get wasted in celebration!

So we go to our trusty director's house.

I had 4 1/2 shots of Sambouka (I have no clue how to spell it), 2 shots of burnettes, a couple beers, and a mixed drink of captain and cider.  So, as I'm sure you can guess,  at the time I didn't fully appreciate how awesome my friends are at talking me up to, we'll call him, FA. 

Apparently they told him, "So many guys like EB" "She turns them all down, though"  "The guy she likes now is so so hot."

Who would have thought that would make FA interested? I didn't.  Apparently it did.  His response was, "Oh, really?!  Who is this guy. What's his name?!"

This altimately ended in a hallway-makeout session, in front of pretty much all of film club.

Way to go Wing-Girls.

I love my life.

48/5 update.

Just in case any of those sneaky 48/5ers from other teams reads my blog, I'm not going to tell you the plot of our film.

I can say...it's going to be HILLARIOUS.   I would link it to youtube, but it could ruin the anonymity behind my blog.

I will also say, if you are really interested in seeing it, then comment my blog w/ your email, and I'll send you the youtube link.  However it probably won't be up on youtube until after Monday night.

We spent the whole day filming, and secured a bakery (Which we are pretty sure no other groups would be able to surpass the limits we broke).  We literally worked all day- from about 9 AM til 10 PM.

I must say, I absolutely love film acting.  It's so much more subtle and it doesn't have to be so over the top like stage acting is.

I also have to say it was definitely nice hanging out with about 12 guys ALL day.  Neither of the other two girls came so it was just me and a bunch of dudes.  I just can't wait to see the results of the film completely edited with the music put in and all.

First Day

Today I will be writing based off of a prompt for One-Minute Writer again.  The prompt says: describe a first day.

My first day at MSU was one of the most bitter sweet moments in my life... at the time.  It was before 'The Let Down' (see label for old posts of 'The Let Down') actually let me down.  I woke up at 7 AM that morning, although I'm pretty sure I never really slept the night prior.  The car was already packed from the night before because my Dad couldn't move me in, so his job was to make sure we were completely ready to leave in the morning.  I was stressed, like really stressed.  The last thing I wanted to do was to go to school and leave behind the bar I was working at that summer and, of course, I didn't want to put distance between me and The Let Down (lets just call him LD).  I drove my little red cutlass while my mom followed me to LD's house.  He came outside and I got out of the car.  It was pretty much ritual that whenever we drove together in my car I would make him drive and I'd play ipod DJ.

The whole car ride there we talked about everything, as always.  About college, about his past, about his trashy girlfriend; everything.  LD said, "I was thinking, you know, I'm no good with talking on the phone, so I thought, maybe we could write to each other?"  It was like he read my mind.  There was one thing I specifically remember asking him as we were driving to East Lansing.  I looked at him (as always, with admiration) and said, "LD, can we just run away to California?  Fuck MSU, lets just go."  He just looked at me and said, "EB, you need to get away to College, you need MSU.  You'll be fine."  Little did I know that he was foreshadowing the fact that only about a month later he was going to end our friendship.

****

When I got to school I checked in while my mother and LD parked the cars.  We unpacked all of my stuff.  LD set up my printer, and then my roommate finally showed up.  Oh man.  Her first impression was great.  I thought we were going to be best of friends because we were so similar.  Later, it turned out our similarities were the biggest weakness in our friendship, but this isn't about that, it's about my first day.  After I unpacked everything LD, my mother, and I went to lunch.  It was quite lovely, really.  LD got up to go to the bathroom and my mother told me that in their short car ride/walk from parking the cars LD raved about me, about how special I was to him, what a good friend I was.  This still makes no sense to me.

****

I was dreading what was to come next after our lunch.  It was time for them to drop me off and say goodbye.    I went with them to pick up the other car and LD and I drove my car to drop me off at the dorm.  Tears filled my eyes and I had a large lump in my throat, preventing me from doing any speaking.  I remember swallowing hard and catching my breath in order to say goodbye.  LD looked at me and told me, "Don't even worry, you'll be home on most weekends!  And we're going to write to each other."  He gave me one last hug goodbye.  I told him I'd be home in two weeks and we'd have to hang out.  I got out of the car, and as I walked to the door of my dorm  I turned my head over my right shoulder and took one last look at LD.  Right as I did this he yelled, as loud as he could, out my window, "I love you!  Have fun!"  I smiled, and responded, "I will."  He drove off, and I walked inside.

Stalkerisms, This Evening, And Classes!

Sometimes, when I randomly see people I know walking on campus, I feel like such a stalker.  I know that's weird, considering it's pretty much always coincidental, but yeah.  I think it's because I'm a very aware person.  I often realize that a person 20 paces away is someone I know because I tend to focus a lot on how people walk and carry themselves, again, very aware of things; whereas most people probably wouldn't be able to tell it's me until their only 10 paces away.

Today, for example.  I saw a guy from film club riding his bike toward me and I immediately could tell it was him so I waved.  At first, he gave me a look like, "who the fuck is this chick waving at me?"  He finally realized that it was me when he was pretty much already passed me and through me a quick "Hey".

Anywaysssss.

Tonight I have to work night reception.  Lucky for me it's the early shift, 11:30-3 AM.  Not too bad; it could be worse.  One of my close friends is also having a half-birthday party tonight, in which I really wanted to go, but must work hard for the money instead.

Oh and, this just in!

Class schedule for next semester:

Mon:

Intro to Film 10:20-1:10 PM

Intro to English 3:00- 4:50 PM

Marketing personal selling and buying 6-8:50 PM

Tues:

Acting 2- 10:20-12:10 PM

Astronomy 12:40-2:00 PM

Wed:

Intro to Film 10:20-12:10 PM

Intro to English 3:00-4:50 PM

Thurs:

Acting 2- 10:20-12:10 PM

Astronomy 12:40-2:00 PM

Fri:

Intro to Film 10:20-11:10 PM

Not too shabby, huh?

Accounting and Starbucks

So,  I suck at NaBloPoMo.  I figured I post more than once a day so that makes up for missing yesterday :)

I'm in the library right now, my home, working on an accounting project.  I hate school.  Not really, I just hate business.  I'm so sick of caring about it, because really, who cares about money; as long as you have enough of it to live, and then some, it doesn't really matter.

Anyways, this week has been long, and it's only Wednesday.  Luckily, today was lovely.  I slept in, missed my class, and went and officially changed my major with the University Undergraduate Department.  Then, I went to Starbucks in which I ordered my favorite winter drink, a White Peppermint Mocha.  It was quite delicious.  As commercial as Starbucks is, they make some pretty yummy drinks.  I visited Barnes and Nobles and saw a bunch of books that will be going on my gift list this year.  I also window-shopped.  Thus, a great day was in the making.

Tomorrow I will be signing a lease for next year (we do it so early in East Lansing) with one of my best friends.  I can't wait.  Not that living with the boys is all that  bad, but sometimes you just need girl time.

I'm sorry this isn't more interesting to you all, but this accounting project really is taking most of my focus.

A Look Back to That Awkward Girl From High School

Last night was a best friend's birthday. Naturally, she had a party to celebrate. For some reason I was extremely nervous for this party. A bunch of people from our High School were going to be there and Tricia was definitely closer to Miss Popular than myself, Miss Invisible/Awkward.

Not to mention that one of the guys is a mutual ex-boyfriend of mine and Tricia's. Another was someone, who in high school, I pretty much despised (he wasn't the friendliest or nicest of people, and he thought very highly of himself). Then there was the best friend of the mutual ex, we'll call him Slaw (I know, it's a weird nickname to give, but it makes sense to me).

Slaw was the ex-fling of an old high school friend that I've pretty much lost touch with. Not only did they almost date, but then, when she was with her very serious boyfriend, she flirted with the idea of ending it all for him, with reason, Slaw is very gentlemanly like, or so his persona gives off. I believe they've lost touch over the past couple of years.

So, I'm getting ready for this party, and I notice, I have a large assortment of creatures in my stomach. I don't think butterflies does it justice, but I think I'll have to go with something like small dinosaurs. I had to stop, look myself over in the mirror, and ask myself, "Why the hell am I so nervous to see people from my past?"

High school was...a strange time for me. I hadn't the faintest idea of who I was, and to be quite honest, I wasn't really anybody. I hadn't let myself open up enough to others, or myself to know the person I am now. Even if the people weren't so horrible to me, I perceived it as such because I was so lost within myself that I underestimated myself to the extreme. In my eyes I was nothing, so why would I have been anything in their eyes?

I wouldn't say college has changed me, but I would say it has helped me discover the person who I really am. You can't change from something to another, if you weren't anything to begin with.

The answer to the question I asked myself, to that dreaded high school girl that stared back at me in the mirror was:

I'm scared because I finally have to show them that I really am a person, not just a frightened zombie, like that of what I was in High School. The fear comes from the fact that they just might hate who I really am, or they might love it, and if they love it, then there's nothing backing my opinion of these people that I've held on so strongly to since middle school. If I'm now showing who I am, whose to say they never were who I thought them to be? This within itself is scary.

Let me just tell you, that all these fears, all these opinions I've held of the people that I barely ever really knew- were completely put at rest when I arrived to that party.

Slaw gave me a huge hug and told me how great I look, one of the guys, a neighbor, shot the shit with me for a while about what we've been up to the past couple years. The one I'd despised gave me props for diffusing a could've-been fight, and I even came to realize what a true loser the mutual ex turned out to be. It didn't help that he was completely wasted and on Zanax and Prozac, all recreationally, of course. It felt good to know that I got somewhere in life, and that looks (pretty much all he had going for him) obviously doesn't always get you somewhere in life.

The party was a great time, and an eye opening experience. I've always had issues putting things that are in the past behind me, but I feel as though this party has finally put the demon that is my high school self, to rest. I can finally go on with life, knowing a little bit more about myself than I had a day before, which, isn't that what college is all about, anyways?

Some Photos to be Fair

I figured, to be fair, I'll post some photos so you can get a glimpse into my halloween and how crazy me and my friends can be.  In order not to incriminate anyone I'm gonna go SO@24 style, and bar out the eyes.

This one is me and my friend Jody

It was Thursday night, as you can see,

I'm sporting my awesome costume

and she was a greek goddess.

As you can see I have my ticking 

time bomb necklace on and I 

have my detonator ready!

I'm with my lovely friend

Bethany who I was fortunate

enough to get to Halloween

it up with more than once

this past weekend!

I'm pretty sure that a bomb can just 

blow up a pirate, even if they do have 

a sword...  haha, this is Tricia and I,

both of us completely sober.  We just

like to be weird I guess!

Alright I believe two posts in a day, one being pictures should be enough to have wet your appetites.  Now that I figured out how to add stuff like bars to my photos (thank you widgets for mac!)  I'll probably have a lot more photo posts!  Get excited.

Well...

I'm home. Already, I'm bored. I feel like I always want to come home, but when I get here, I realize life goes back to being uneventful. It feels like a waste of time to just stay in and watch TV. I want to get out, and see my friends, but I also want to be back in EL, living that life. It's weird, because even though I don't have a best friend in EL, I know no one else has a one either, because it's still new. But here, I mean, I have Loren. But she has Jesse. I love Jesse, and I love Loren, but I still feel like somewhat of a third wheel, lame I know. Then I have Steph, and unlike Loren and Jesse, she doesn't try to make time for me, because of Adam. I don't really have 'single' friends here, which makes it hard.

I also feel like I put way too much emphasis on trying to find a significant other. I know I should focus on school. At the same time, I'm aware that a LOT of people meet their wives/husbands in College. So if I don't put any focus on it, and I only focus on school, sure I'll be successful- but I'll never meet someone. What's success if you can't share it with someone?

The holidays don't help. It's the season of love, where everyone gets with their SO and bring in the new year with a kiss. I've NEVER had someone to bring in the new year with like that. I know I need to get out and try and meet more people, but it's a lot harder than it seems...


And it leaves me here. Alone, bored, with no solution.