Music is my Heroin

Could you ever date someone who didn't like, or listen to, music?

I'm not sure that I could. Although I've gotten behind on keeping up with the latest jams, I still am so passionately in love with all the music I listen to, that I can't imagine someone not listening to it.

For me, music is healing. When I break up with someone, or something doesn't go my way, I turn to it to console me, to help me get through it.

I don't know what I would have done had I not had Bonnie Somerville's 'Winding Road' to get me through my break up with the Ex-Boy. What would I have turned to had I never discover how great Death Cab for Cutie is while walking through campus in the fall?

How is it that I can have a crush on someone who doesn't listen to music, or, dare I say it, doesn't even like music.

Music gets me through my day, and helps me fall asleep at night.

Can you really be compatible with someone who doesn't share, or care to share, a passion with you that you've carried inside of you forever?

That's what you call it when you get traumatized by someone- Bonding.

Last night, after the AMAZING defeat MSU had over U of M, I went out with my 27 year old cousin and her 22 year old boyfriend, who, yes, is closer to my age, than hers.  As you might know, I'm from the  suburbs.  Not really a city girl (yet), and the city of East Lansing is smaller than my hometown, so it doesn't really count.  Anyways, we decided to hit up Detroit.  I've been to Detroit before, but only one other time that was on the same playing field as last night.  Usually I'd go for a baseball game, or in High School we'd go during the afternoon on a field trip.  Ridiculous stuff like that.

Last night we decided to hit up the town and our first stop was The Magic Stick.  Last time I was in Detroit, aside from last night, we went to the Majestic Cafe, which is attached to the Magic Stick, and then hit up some sketchy house party.  At the Majestic Cafe, it was a lot of late 20, early 30-somethings having a drink after work.  Last night, not so much.  The Magic Stick is a totally different atmosphere.  It's a grungy version of Lucky Strikes almost.  It's like a dirty dive bar downstairs, then in the back is bowling, and when you go upstairs it's a concert venue..a small one.

Last night, The Legendary Pink Dots were playing the venue, hence why we ended up there, because Christos, Sarah's boyfriend, was photographing them (it's his job).  If you didn't know, the reason they put Legendary in front of band names, is because the band is most likely pretty old.  This band- was like a cult.  Creepy, to say the least, and old.  Their following was all mid forties men with extremely long hair.  Needless to say, Sarah, her friend who showed up a little later, and I hung out at the dive bar part downstairs, shooting the shit.

If there is something you'd need to know about Sarah, it's that she was always the golden child of our family.  She got praise everywhere she went.  Which, ultimately, aided the fact that she's become one of the most judgmental people I know.  Don't get me wrong, she can be a lot of fun, but sometimes it's a little much.  Another thing, Sarah used to be BIG in the underground Chicago club scene, in which everyone in said scene has a crazy fake name they go by, so most of her friends are named Awesome, or Clash, or Crank, or whatever weird shit they come up with.  That part isn't so much relevant, as it's just a fun fact.

So, Sarah and I are hanging out, and talking about some of our family that we aren't so fond of*.  We are pulling out these crazy stories that revolve around them and just laughing at how ridiculous they are.  Then Sarah starts to say something about one of my family member, but she didn't outright say it, and I didn't know what she was talking about, so I asked.  Next thing I know, Sarah's face goes extremely pale and she tries to change the subject.  Of course, one's first instinct in a situation like this is to try to get the story out of them.  We fought about her telling me for 10 minutes before she finally told me one of the craziest, most ridiculous stories I've ever heard.

I'm not going to say what was said, because I do deem it extremely inappropriate for people to know, even myself included, I wish I hadn't even bothered.  However, I'm so bothered by it now.  I almost feel like it's just Sarah's side of the family making shit up because they dislike these particular family members that much.  Which, in this case would be very plausible.  However, the story she told...that too could be very plausible.  I can't ask any of my family, because if it is true, I'm obviously not supposed to know, and I'm not sure any of the family is REALLY supposed to know, and if it isn't true, they would be devistatedly** hurt that the other side of our family would make up a story of this level.

I finally made Sarah drop the story.  I'm just going to pretend like I've never heard it.  It's that disturbing, and I love my family unconditionally, no matter what crazy shit goes down.

So after the Magic Stick, and all the crazies that frequent it, we decided to hit up an underground bar show that Christos knew about.  First, we got lost driving around Detroit for about an hour, though.  While that was going on, some hoodlum on a bicycle was trying to pick us up, cause we know the "Hey Baby" method works, oh so well.  We did FINALLY make it to the underground bar show.

When we pulled up- this place was SO fucking jank.  All the windows were boarded up, and you'd think that it was shut down- it wasn't.  We walked in, and all we heard was noise- apparently this is the kind of shit Christos listens to.  Everyone in the place was either completely trashed, or coked up.  It was enjoyable to be a bystander.  Christos got me a beer and I stood in the corner with Sarah.  We finally got tired of the noise, and decided to head back to the 'burbs.  These are the kinds of nights that Sarah has every weekend.  I can only imagine.. and lets leave it at that.

*I really do love my family a lot, but you know, there are always the little things you have to vent about.

**Yes, I just created that word.  Spread it, live it, love it.

Well, well, well.

So I went to court today and got my pre-trial date- woohooo! NOT. While I was there, though, another guy went to stand in front of the judge. Not only did he have 4, yes that's right FOUR MIPs under his belt, but he was there for ANOTHER one and for peeing in public- not to mention the fact that he was only born in 1990! How does someone get into that much trouble being that young?! I bet his parents want to kill him.

A fun little statistic for you- 60% of MSU students graduate with a degree and an MIP- so if they haven't gotten one yet, I'm sure they will eventually- the odds are against them.


Anyways- I'm sure you're sick of hearing about my legal issues so I will move on. I have to credit SO@24 for the awesome song he has on his blog today. It totally fits- Up and Up by Relient K.

The Soundtrack To My Life

Well, it's a new day and I'm feeling good. Aside from the fact that I'm overwhelming myself with procrastination for my exam on Thursday. I should be studying but instead I'm freaking myself out about the exam. That's right- instead of actually studying for it- I'm just complaining about it. Oh well.

So today has been, fan-freaking-tastic. There is no sarcasm there. I slept in, I took my time doing my hair, I went to class and sat next to the cutest little asian girl (she even befriended me, and invited me for traditional chinese food and tea- SCORE!), and then I came home, went to the bank, and here I am. A very chill, mild, laid back day. Congrats, to me.


If you could pick the soundtrack to your life thus far, what would it be? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, yet every time I try to craft it I notice all my songs are about unrequited love- epic fail in my opinion. I'm finally going to just do it- craft it and try to make it as less 'emo' as I can.

1. Be Here Now- Ray LaMontagne
This song has the best introduction- it just builds and builds. It's the perfect start to the soundtrack of my life. Not to mention the lyrics take over with "Don't let your mind get weary..." etc. etc. It's just great.

2. Put Your Records On- Corinne Bailey Ray
It's happy, it's sunny, it reminds me of children playing- it goes here in my soundtrack with my adolescence.

3. Follow You Down- Gin Blossoms
Remember how popular this song was in the 90's? 'Nuff said.

4. Such Great Heights- Postal Service
Remember that time when you're in middle school and there's that one boy that you absolutely think you love, even though you don't. I'd imagine this would be the kind of song I'd listen to over and over again thinking about him being with you.

5. Delicate- Damien Rice
This song describes that actual relationship part of one of my relationships.

6. Screaming Infidelities- Dashboard Confessional
The break up aftermath.

7. Cannonball- Damien Rice
The "getting over you by listening to music" phase.

8. Dreaming With A Broken Heart- John Mayer
The "come back to me please" song- that you then realize- isn't going to bring them back.

9. Love Is A Battlefield- Pat Benatar
Every girl better know these words.

10. Someone Somewhere- Jason Reeves
The song you listen to when you know, it will work out, maybe it didn't last time, but eventually, you'll find someone just right.

11. Recommendations- Mirah
Insert "random dance break" here.

12. Don't Stop Believing- Journey
My "reach for the sky" song.

13. Seventeen Forever- Metrostation
Sometimes everyone wishes they could have stayed 17 forever.

14. California- Joni Mitchell
Every girl should have at least one Joni Mitchell song on their life soundtrack

15. Ice Ice Baby- Vanilla Ice
Just because everyone needs a rap song in their soundtrack

16. My Best Friend- Weezer
I have friends like this :-)

17. Winding Road- Bonnie Somerville
This is my 'wind it down' song

18. Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional
This is the perfect ending song.



I suggest everyone goes through their iTunes and picks their songs. It feels great to realize that more of your songs are happy than sad :)

To touch on a couple of things.

1. Damien Rice is lethal. To listen to his songs over and over again is a slow, sad, painful death. I don't recommend it to anyone.

2. It's so weird to think about how time passes and how much you truly know a person. All the people I've met here at MSU, I've know them for a year now. A whole year. But to say that I really know them, not just their quirks, but how they think, what they believe, how and what they feel on a day to day basis- I would be lying. Does anyone really know their friends? Maybe it's too broad to say 'friends' in general, but at least their friends of, I'd say a year to 3 years. I don't think we do. I don't think most people take the time out of their busy lives to really get to know people. We all live in such a fast paced world where we don't have the time to take a deeper look. It's sad how this has become true for most people.

It's weird for me to think about some of the people I've known for a year now. The ones I've gotten close with, live with, the ones I've dated. I could tell you all of the normal things about these people but if you asked what i thought their most substantial dreams are, or what worries them the most, I wouldn't be able to tell you.

3. It's almost been a year since I've last talked to Matt. This in itself is surreal. I would say, he knew me. He really did. Maybe that's what made it too much. I wasn't just one of those 'I know the basics about you and we're friends' kind of people in his life, but I was more, and that scared him. It was hard cutting that part of my life out due to the circumstances. I have no idea if he's alive, if he's doing well, if he's still married- but I do wish him the best, he took the time to get to know me, which nowadays is a lot to ask of someone.

Music is my boyfriend.

It is. Music never fails to "set the stage," if you will, for what life brings. It's always there for me. It has the power to affect my mood or change it. It's the perfect boyfriend. Therefore I love music. I am in love with music.


Explosions in the Sky
Damien Rice
Ellis Paul
Sara Bareilles
Ingrid Michaelson
The Album Leaf
Rilo Kiley
Cat Power
Ryan Adams
Mirah
Radiohead


That's just to name a few of my lovers.


AKA- I'm single and gonna find solace in music :-/

"Why do we do what we do?"- Chuck Palahniuk

It's Friday. A beautifully ugly Friday. It's cold and dark outside. I don't care. It's still Friday. Tonight, is going to be amazing. My welcome home, if you will. This weekend, for that matter, will be amazing. I have to go to a conference with my WRA Prof. I don't care, though. It's Friday. I have to go to math- it's still Friday.

I love Chuck Palahniuk's style of writing. It's disgusting, yet amazing. It captures and consumes its reader in the best way possible. Just finished reading "Lullaby", loved it. Reading "Diary" now, so far, so good. I think "Invisible Monsters" and "Survivor" will always be my favorites, but we'll see what comes of "Diary" "Choke" and "Haunted".


I also love The Album Leaf. this kind of music not only is beautiful to listen to, but it makes you feel. It generates emotions. That's the best kind of music there is, in my opinion. I think The Album Leaf has even surpassed Explosions In The Sky, for me. I still their music though. Four Tet is still new for me, so we'll see what comes of that I guess.

Four more minutes.

Imogen Heap.

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just began to form crop circles in the carpet, Sinking... Feeling...
Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes;
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
Would stop to hold their heads heavy

-Hide and Seek By: Imogen Heap

I saw this on someone else's blog...

and thought that it was a good way to relate my music to my life, as well as giving me something to write about.


So I put my iTunes on random and the first song that came up that I felt I had a good connection to (and that had lyrics) I decided to post about.


Not Enough by: Our Lady Of Peace


Lyrics:

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's nothing in between
You know the truth

Nothing left to face
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your place...

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

There's nothing left to prove
There's nothing I wont do
There's nothing like the pain
I feel for you
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
I am always here...

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone is over
What you got
What you love
What you need
What you have is real
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough
I'm sorry,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

It's not enough
No, it's not enough
It's not enough




Connection to my life:

I first was introduced to OLP by my longtime, now ex best friend, and our mutual friend. It was the summer before my junior year. I remember driving around, listening to the song alone. I was in a really bad place. I didn't know who I was, and I truly felt like I wasn't enough. The windows would be down, the air blowing on my face, and it all felt so nostalgic. Thinking about the lyrics now is kind of creepy. The way our friendship was before it ended is exactly as the lyrics. I felt and lived her pain for her, because I didn't know how to live my own life. I'm glad I'm in somewhat of a better place now, but that song will always feel like a high school summer to me.

Wow.

So my last post was really bad.


I guess that's what homesickness does, huh?

It will get better. Hopefully I really will get a job. Plus, I don't have to wake up until really late tomorrow (class isn't until three).

Oh, and also, Mirah is really great music. I like it at least. It is chick folk, though.

You should give it a listen- Advisory Committee is my favorite album thus far.

I think I just need to realize that life isn't always fun, or easy. You have to work for your fortunes, and learn from your misfortunes.

I, personally, need to stop acting sorry for myself. I don't really feel sorry for myself, I think I'm just acting like it...

Lame, I know.


I'm done with that. From now on, this is going to be random and fun, no more depressing shit.

K? K,