Hello Blogger, It's Me Danielle

Wow.  It has been a hell of a long time since I've visited this blog.  So long, in fact, that google apparently now owns blogger and I had trouble logging in.  Truth be told I had no intention of posting this today, but I happened to literally stumble across my blog this afternoon.  I spent 5 hours reading every post I made.  I guess I didn't realize how dedicated I was to blogging back then.

Four years have passed since my last blog post and while re-reading I found a comment someone (Jess) had made in 2010 asking how I've been and basically what I'd been up to since abandoning my blog.  So, I thought I'd fill you in!

My last post was in 2009 when I was just a baby 20 year-old.  I believe where I left off was that I was done with Ex-Boy and I had met my dream guy.  Wow!  What a way to end a blog.

Well, let me first start by saying Dream Boy turned out not to be dream boy, although for a while there I really thought he was.  I left to travel various parts of the world in 2009 and I was still dating Dream Boy.  My first leg of the trip, DC, ended up proving that we just weren't meant to date and we stopped seeing each other.  I spent the rest of the summer having TONS of fun in Israel and then London and then LA before heading back to good old MSU.  I even had a secret affair with a Teaching Assistant during my study abroad!

I should probably also let you know that Ex-Boy and I never dated again.  In fact, we hardly ever spoke again.  I'm not going to lie, I was kind of an asshole when I ended it and I broke up with him for good in a text message.  He wasn't too happy about it, but what goes around comes around.  He ended up getting back together with his ex (the girl he cheating on me with) and stayed with her until, wait for it... just a couple of weeks ago!  That's right, they dated for 4 years!  I found out a couple of days ago that they broke up- she kept the dog they bought together.

As for the rest of the characters I wrote about, here's a breakdown:

Mom: She's still as nutty as always!  Penny ended up moving with her and my Dad to California.  They're both total socal babes now!

Dad:  He's improved his array of jokes thanks to the comedy channel on sirius XM.  He didn't like LA much so him, mom, and penny moved to Irvine, CA.  They are loving it.

BPhil:  My brother ended up moving to California as well and has a cushy job at a big time movie studio and is on the brink of engagement with his girlfriend whom I adore.

Penny: She's such a babe of a dog.  She still looks and acts just like a puppy.  The cutest!

BJ-M:  After my trip to London I ran against BJ-M in elections for Film Club president.  I beat him and our friendship never really was the same.  We didn't see each other very often after that and my senior year he moved back to his hometown.  I hear from friends that he's well.

FA:  I can't believe I liked this guy.  He doesn't like music...wtf!  He's also an aspiring actor and looking back I think I liked his abs WAY more than I liked him.  I think he's still in East Lansing.

The Let Down:  Believe it or not, after I graduated from MSU I moved to the cottage my parents bought close to my hometown.  I ended up hanging out withe LD a couple of times.  The last time we ended up making out ( I always was a suck for a good make-out session).  I realized immediately after that I was no longer the 17 year-old that met him and decided that it was a bad idea.  I recently chatted with him and asked him if we could be friends and nothing else.  He got really big into the Detroit music scene so he's pretty busy but agreed to our friendship.

Neighbor Boy:  Never saw him again after I moved.

NNBoy:  Never saw him again after I moved either.  Although at the end of that semester I did find out that he had been accused of sexually assaulting a girl back in his hometown.  Not sure if it was true or not, but I blocked him out of my life anyways.  He was a player and he was bad news.

Summer Fling:  I'm pretty sure Summer Fling is married now, although I'm not sure if it's to that girl that moved to MI for him or not.  He's definitely in the military.  I'm glad I never went back down that road.  Military life wouldn't have been for me.

And I bet you're wondering what happened to me!

Well, the final two years of undergrad were crazy.  I had a lot of fun, I had a lot more heartbreak from new and different boys, and I really learned about myself.  After graduation I was offered a job working on a movie in Detroit so I packed up and moved to my parents cottage for that summer.  When the job wrapped in July I moved to Los Angeles and have lived there ever since.  I've worked for a production company, as a personal assistant to a TV actress, and on the behind the scene features for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

In the beginning of September of 2012 I began dating the real man of my dreams.  On March 27th, 2009 I wrote a blog post titled "Adventures of a Thursday Night".  In that post I mention a Shy Guy- a cute guy I met at a B-Movie Beatdown.  Turns out he was the man of my dreams.  We had run into each other all throughout undergrad and we always exchanged pleasantries.  He had just started dating a girl when I met him in 2009 and he dated her right up until I moved away to Los Angeles.  Every time I ran into him during school I always thought he was flirting with me a little but I new he had a girlfriend so I blew it off.  When I moved we started to chat on facebook every now and then.  And facebook led to texting.  I was beginning to really like him but thought it was crazy considering I lived 2,222 miles away from him.  In September 2012, while I was visiting Michigan for wedding season, we finally went on our first date.  The date lasted the whole day and went into the next morning.  I ended up spending my whole vacation with him (I even ended up staying at his place the whole time) and at the end of it we decided not to see other people- we were head over heels.

Shy Guy and I have been doing the long distance thing ever since.  We have flown out to each others homes every 2 months and have spent every holiday together.  In 10 days I'm actually moving back to Michigan to live in the cottage again and give our relationship a real "In Person" shot.  I plan on working for a year to save and in 2014 I have every intention of starting grad school and if all goes well it will be at MSU.  I plan on going all the way- getting my Masters, my PhD, and then hopefully getting a job as a professor of Film Studies.

That's pretty much everything!  I hope you all have been well.  So much has changed for me over the past 4 years and I'm sure so much has changed for you as well!

I must admit that re-reading all my posts today made me both happy and sad.  I wrote about so much heartbreak and only now do I realize how much fun I really did have in college.  I'm glad I could share that with you all.

Danielle

Enjoy another look into my life!

Our film for the Spring 48/5 competition as part of the East Lansing Film Festival.

Required Elements-

Genre: Drama

Location: Bowling Ally

Prop: Remote Control

Line of Dialogue: "You're running out of gas"

Just in case

For those of you who missed out the first time, and because I'm being nostalgic:

Here is the film we made for the 48/5 film competition (which one first place, and an entry into the East Lansing Film Festival)

ENJOY!!!

A New Year

New Years Eve/ New Years...

A film club friend, we'll call him BJ-M, decided, after much applied pressure from me, to throw a New Years party.

The whole day of NYE was spent drinking.  My friend, Beth, came over and we drank Mimosas, cranberry and vodka, bacardi and lemonade, and more.  We maintained a constant buzz all day as we prepared for the night.  Another friend, SM, came up from home.

We went over to BJ-M's place around 6:30.  I was pretty drunk by 8.  We left for an hour to attend another party, and returned by 9:30.  We all drunkenly watched the ball drop and then danced and sang (read: screamed) to music blaring from BJ-M's Bose speakers.

Next thing I know, I'm full on making out with FA (remember him?).  We are standing, making out in the center of all of these people dancing and singing to random music.  We make our way to a not-so-private chair in the corner of the room.  Lets just put it this way- things got heated, perhaps a little too heated for public.  Can't say I didn't enjoy it- but it is now the new year.

New years brings new resolutions.  I've thought this over.  I have some good ones.  I feel as if I say them out loud, though, I'll never actually succeed.  So for now, I'm leaving them to myself.  Lets just say, though, they don't involve random make outs in public- nor do they involve going over to NNBoy's to "watch a movie".

Time to clean up my act.

With that said, New Years this year, was probably the best party I've ever been to.

Not to mention both of my friends were total vixens, both bringing in the new year with new men.

Way to go girls.

Lets Compete

I have a vice that I need to overcome.  I've been doing this for as long as I can remember.  I have no idea where it came from and why I continue to think this way, but I do.  It needs to stop.

I've noticed that I'm a very competitive person.  Sometimes this is okay.  However, I find myself  being competitive in situations where there is no need for competition.

For example-

1. School

I do this in classes.  I constantly compare myself to others.  I look at their grades and if they do better, I get angry.  No matter who studied more, no matter who understands the material better, I get mad.

2. Acting

As you all know, in recent weeks I've gotten pretty into film club which has revived my passion for acting.  FA is also very much into acting so when I found out about different auditions I'd let him know about them.  Well, I've started realize how I'm secretly making every audition into a competition.  He may not know it, and even though it's impossible for us to be competing for roles (he's obviously male and I'm obviously female), I find myself in intense competition to do better than him.  I secretly hope he does poorly at all of his auditions and when it turns out opposite I get pissed off.

What is it about myself that makes me compare myself to others.  I've been doing this forever with my brother.  I constantly compare everything I've received in life to everything he ever got, which only leaves me coming up disappointed.

How do you change the way you think when it's all you've ever known?

How do you come to accept a change when you don't even know where your former behavior stems from?

Too much on the mind

I think it's about time to get serious about school.

I only have one more final that actually matters, and that is to take place Tuesday evening.

I kind of wish I didn't have a month off from school because I feel like school would take my mind off of all the things bothering me.

Here's the list:

1. Contact with 'The Let Down'

2. The crush I have on FA that I can't seem to shake.

3. Still find myself talking to Ex-Boy

4. Auditions gone awry

5. Auditions I thought I did well at and obviously didn't

I just feel kind of down.  I like the feeling of new classes and completely throwing myself into them.

I know that as soon as my finals are done I'm going to do a deep clean of the apartment, so that should take my mind off of things for, ohh, about a day or two.  What to do for the rest of the month I have off?

I'm not playing it, I AM it.

Does 'playing hard to get' really work?  I was 'reflecting', if you will, on old conversations I've had with people via email and facebook messages.  I got pretty far back, all the way into the beginnings of Ex-Boy and I's first 'date' after the hookup.  When I was reading our messages, I couldn't help but think of how disinterested I sounded with him.  I just didn't seem to be that into him.

Truth is, in the beginning, I wasn't interested in him.  I was still hung up on 'The Let Down' and all I could think of was, what the hell does this kid have to offer.

I was totally playing Samantha on Sex and the  City- you know, how she's really only down for one night deals.  That's what I though Ex Boy was going to be.

It would also seem that the fact that I was so disinterested in Ex-Boy is what kept the conversation flowing.  The more I made excuses not to hang out or broke plans or whatever, the more he kept asking me out, and kept saying all the cute things that would have made me smitten when I wanted him back oh so much after the break up.

I'm starting to truly think that the independent women, the disinterested women, the girl who isn't really 'playing' hard to get, but rather the one that is hard to get, is the girl guys are interested in.

What's so attractive about disinterest?

It rings true both ways, it would seem.  The more I try to make plans with FA that don't work out, the more I want to snag him.

What do you think?

This Could Get Interesting

Lets say I have an evil twin.  Lets also say this twin is somewhat of a make-out whore.

You see, on monday, in leu of celebration over winning the 48/5, as you already know, I got pretty drunk.  When I get as drunk as I got the evil twin tends to take over me.  And I tend to kiss more people than intended.

All would be fine, had there not been photographic evidence of both incidences.  Yes, I kissed FA... Apparently I also kissed, lets call him CS (costar, perhaps?).  Okay, it's way more than apparent, I think I knew what I was doing the whole time.  At least my twin knew what she was doing.

Normally this wouldn't matter.  However, I actually like FA, which makes me worried that I'm jeopardizing the possibilities I have with him.  I'm just hoping that he doesn't ever get hold of the photos.  Because not only would he see a cute make-out pic of us, but he'd also see one of CS and I.  

Did I mention that CS, FA, and I are all supposed to road trip together this break to our director's hometown to film some?

Like I said, this could get interesting...

Some Early Resolutions

Alright, I know it's a little early for this- but I have some I need to put out there right now to ensure a quality year next year.

Speaking of, it would seem that every year brings new challenges.  Last year was the 'Year of Sick'.  This year was the 'Year of Cops'.  Lets hope that next year will be the 'Year of Steamy Romance'.

Alright- now for these resolutions:

1. Get on top of school-

Study study study!  All 4.0s!

2. Stop talking to Ex-Boy.

It's getting ridiculous this coming and going act I keep putting myself through.  I need to cut that shit out for good.

3. Start being more forward with what I want with certain people 

(FA to be specific, if he's still around by then).

4. Get on top of my probation-

I have had too many close calls for my liking, whether it be forgetting to set an alarm, or drinking too much, even if I do stop before 10:30 pm.

5. Money management!

So self explanatory

A celibate life is a simple life

How forward does a girl have to be for a guy to understand that she's into him?  How many times does she have to ask him to a movie or to hang out or whatever for him to get the point?

I think I've showed enough interest, and it's time for me to take a hint now.

It's not that I don't think he's interested, because truly, I can't tell- I just think he might be a bit clueless, that's all.

One of my roommates keeps trying to help me with my game.  He pretty much sat with me and fed me what to say to FA to help him get the point.  We aren't sure that even worked!

This is just getting to be too much like a game for my liking.  I wish everything were simpler- I like you, I like you too, lets go out.

Starting now:  day 1 of celibacy.

Lets hope I can do this.

8 Drinks Deep

My friends...are the best 'wing-girls' ever.

Last night, I brought my three friends (see halloween post) along with me to the premiere of our film.  When they got in the car I noticed they were all pretty trashed.  "Great!" I thought, "This is going to be fucked up."  I'm not going to lie, I was worried that they were  going to embarrass me, or seem annoying to my film club buddies.

Honestly, I had nothing to worry about.  Film club boys all loved them.

After we won we decided to take all our prize money and buy shit tons of alcohol.  We were on a mission to get wasted in celebration!

So we go to our trusty director's house.

I had 4 1/2 shots of Sambouka (I have no clue how to spell it), 2 shots of burnettes, a couple beers, and a mixed drink of captain and cider.  So, as I'm sure you can guess,  at the time I didn't fully appreciate how awesome my friends are at talking me up to, we'll call him, FA. 

Apparently they told him, "So many guys like EB" "She turns them all down, though"  "The guy she likes now is so so hot."

Who would have thought that would make FA interested? I didn't.  Apparently it did.  His response was, "Oh, really?!  Who is this guy. What's his name?!"

This altimately ended in a hallway-makeout session, in front of pretty much all of film club.

Way to go Wing-Girls.

I love my life.