Hello Blogger, It's Me Danielle

Wow.  It has been a hell of a long time since I've visited this blog.  So long, in fact, that google apparently now owns blogger and I had trouble logging in.  Truth be told I had no intention of posting this today, but I happened to literally stumble across my blog this afternoon.  I spent 5 hours reading every post I made.  I guess I didn't realize how dedicated I was to blogging back then.

Four years have passed since my last blog post and while re-reading I found a comment someone (Jess) had made in 2010 asking how I've been and basically what I'd been up to since abandoning my blog.  So, I thought I'd fill you in!

My last post was in 2009 when I was just a baby 20 year-old.  I believe where I left off was that I was done with Ex-Boy and I had met my dream guy.  Wow!  What a way to end a blog.

Well, let me first start by saying Dream Boy turned out not to be dream boy, although for a while there I really thought he was.  I left to travel various parts of the world in 2009 and I was still dating Dream Boy.  My first leg of the trip, DC, ended up proving that we just weren't meant to date and we stopped seeing each other.  I spent the rest of the summer having TONS of fun in Israel and then London and then LA before heading back to good old MSU.  I even had a secret affair with a Teaching Assistant during my study abroad!

I should probably also let you know that Ex-Boy and I never dated again.  In fact, we hardly ever spoke again.  I'm not going to lie, I was kind of an asshole when I ended it and I broke up with him for good in a text message.  He wasn't too happy about it, but what goes around comes around.  He ended up getting back together with his ex (the girl he cheating on me with) and stayed with her until, wait for it... just a couple of weeks ago!  That's right, they dated for 4 years!  I found out a couple of days ago that they broke up- she kept the dog they bought together.

As for the rest of the characters I wrote about, here's a breakdown:

Mom: She's still as nutty as always!  Penny ended up moving with her and my Dad to California.  They're both total socal babes now!

Dad:  He's improved his array of jokes thanks to the comedy channel on sirius XM.  He didn't like LA much so him, mom, and penny moved to Irvine, CA.  They are loving it.

BPhil:  My brother ended up moving to California as well and has a cushy job at a big time movie studio and is on the brink of engagement with his girlfriend whom I adore.

Penny: She's such a babe of a dog.  She still looks and acts just like a puppy.  The cutest!

BJ-M:  After my trip to London I ran against BJ-M in elections for Film Club president.  I beat him and our friendship never really was the same.  We didn't see each other very often after that and my senior year he moved back to his hometown.  I hear from friends that he's well.

FA:  I can't believe I liked this guy.  He doesn't like music...wtf!  He's also an aspiring actor and looking back I think I liked his abs WAY more than I liked him.  I think he's still in East Lansing.

The Let Down:  Believe it or not, after I graduated from MSU I moved to the cottage my parents bought close to my hometown.  I ended up hanging out withe LD a couple of times.  The last time we ended up making out ( I always was a suck for a good make-out session).  I realized immediately after that I was no longer the 17 year-old that met him and decided that it was a bad idea.  I recently chatted with him and asked him if we could be friends and nothing else.  He got really big into the Detroit music scene so he's pretty busy but agreed to our friendship.

Neighbor Boy:  Never saw him again after I moved.

NNBoy:  Never saw him again after I moved either.  Although at the end of that semester I did find out that he had been accused of sexually assaulting a girl back in his hometown.  Not sure if it was true or not, but I blocked him out of my life anyways.  He was a player and he was bad news.

Summer Fling:  I'm pretty sure Summer Fling is married now, although I'm not sure if it's to that girl that moved to MI for him or not.  He's definitely in the military.  I'm glad I never went back down that road.  Military life wouldn't have been for me.

And I bet you're wondering what happened to me!

Well, the final two years of undergrad were crazy.  I had a lot of fun, I had a lot more heartbreak from new and different boys, and I really learned about myself.  After graduation I was offered a job working on a movie in Detroit so I packed up and moved to my parents cottage for that summer.  When the job wrapped in July I moved to Los Angeles and have lived there ever since.  I've worked for a production company, as a personal assistant to a TV actress, and on the behind the scene features for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

In the beginning of September of 2012 I began dating the real man of my dreams.  On March 27th, 2009 I wrote a blog post titled "Adventures of a Thursday Night".  In that post I mention a Shy Guy- a cute guy I met at a B-Movie Beatdown.  Turns out he was the man of my dreams.  We had run into each other all throughout undergrad and we always exchanged pleasantries.  He had just started dating a girl when I met him in 2009 and he dated her right up until I moved away to Los Angeles.  Every time I ran into him during school I always thought he was flirting with me a little but I new he had a girlfriend so I blew it off.  When I moved we started to chat on facebook every now and then.  And facebook led to texting.  I was beginning to really like him but thought it was crazy considering I lived 2,222 miles away from him.  In September 2012, while I was visiting Michigan for wedding season, we finally went on our first date.  The date lasted the whole day and went into the next morning.  I ended up spending my whole vacation with him (I even ended up staying at his place the whole time) and at the end of it we decided not to see other people- we were head over heels.

Shy Guy and I have been doing the long distance thing ever since.  We have flown out to each others homes every 2 months and have spent every holiday together.  In 10 days I'm actually moving back to Michigan to live in the cottage again and give our relationship a real "In Person" shot.  I plan on working for a year to save and in 2014 I have every intention of starting grad school and if all goes well it will be at MSU.  I plan on going all the way- getting my Masters, my PhD, and then hopefully getting a job as a professor of Film Studies.

That's pretty much everything!  I hope you all have been well.  So much has changed for me over the past 4 years and I'm sure so much has changed for you as well!

I must admit that re-reading all my posts today made me both happy and sad.  I wrote about so much heartbreak and only now do I realize how much fun I really did have in college.  I'm glad I could share that with you all.

Danielle

I Hope I Won't Regret This: Part 3

Well.  The Let Down and I set plans for today to meet.  After I listened to his voicemail from Part 2 I decided that I really did want to meet up and talk about what had happened.

We met at 3:30 pm at a small hometown restaurant.  It was scary- to say the least.  I haven't seen this guy, the guy that was my best friend, whom I really did love, in a year and 4 months.

We talked about what happened, and I tried my best to listen with open ears, which I think I did well.  He said how he barely remembers why we stopped being friends, and of course, I reminded him.  He said that he didn't mean it how I took it that night, when he said I needed a clean slate and needed to start over.  That he was drinking the night we talked, which makes sense.

Ready for the kicker?  I asked how his 'wife' was doing.  His response- they broke up.  "Well did you even marry her?"  No.  He didn't.  He said he just told me that to hurt me because he was angry that I wasn't understanding him, and that I took it that he wanted to end our friendship.

I guess what he was trying to say that night was not that our friendship needed to end- but rather that we just needed time apart, and he felt our friendship was strong enough to go on hold, just until Trashy Girl was okay with us being friends.

He apologized.  I could tell he meant it, and that he really did care- but he showed it in an awful way.

We then went on to talk about what has happened to each of us over the past year and 4 months.  He has really gotten his life together- and I really am happy for him.  He broke up with Trashy Girl, and has been seeing a new girl for the past 3 months.  He moved out of his mom's place, and got a car.  He really went into a lot of detail about what had happened to him over the time apart.  I didn't.  It felt like I was starting over, like he didn't know me at all- I couldn't make it as personal as we used to be.  That was sad for me.

I told him that I was glad he was doing well and it was nice seeing him.  I also reminded him that he now has my email and if he'd like to, he can send me a message.

I don't know that he will.  I'd like him to, though.  Either way though, for me, this was closure.  Well needed closure.

I just hate that I feel so sad after it all.  It feels like a part of my heart died.  That chapter of my life is now closed- and there's no replacing the words on the page, or rewriting the ending.  What happened, really did happen- and I realize that more than ever after talking about it with him.

I guess it's time to move on.

Oh, and I did get my book back...

I Hope I Won't Regret This: Part 2

So.  I'm running up to my room to finish getting ready for our family Hanukkah party.  I walk into my room and see a missed call. 

It's a number I don't recognize.  Normally, I wouldn't call them back unless they left me a voicemail, but for some reason I didn't think and I jumped right on calling them back and finding out who it was.

Ring ring.  Ring ring.

Person on the other end: "Oh..Shit."

EB: "Hi I got a call from this number."

Person on other end: "Hi...It's LD." (The Let Down)

EB:" Oh..."

LD: "Yeah..."

EB:" Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to call..how are you?"

LD:"I'm good how are you?"

EB: "I'm fine. So this  book.  When can I get it?"

So the conversation goes we figure out a day that works- tomorrow.  He says that he thought he was going to miss me and that I'd have already gone back to EL, that he just now got a chance to check my email that I wrote a couple days ago.  He says he'll call me tomorrow, but if I need to call him the number he called from is his cell.  The end.

So I think...

I hang up only to notice I just received a voicemail.  He must have been leaving it while I was calling him.

The voicemail is the main attraction, let me tell you- it goes like this:

Hey EB, it's LD.  I hope you're not back in EL but I just now got to check your email on my roommate's computer.  You know... I really wish you weren't mad at me..I can't even recall why you were mad at me in the first place.  We just need to talk and shit because I hate having someone like you on my angry list- so stop being angry- alright call me back.  Later.

Wow.  WOW!

So lets recap:  We were best friends, almost too close.  He lived with his parents still (a grown man, mind you).  He had a girlfriend who was complete trash, who just got out of jail, and also lived with her parents (grown woman).  I go away to school so sad to leave my best behind.  We write to each other and hang out a couple times when I come home.  Then he stops talking to me.  Ditch's me when we plan to hang out.  When I confront him about it he tells me that we basically can't be friends, that I need a fresh slate at school, and, "But I mean, if you're going to call me all crying and shit like you're going to kill yourself, of course i'll  be there for you."  Thus our friendship ended when I texted him have a good life- and he responded- "If it makes you feel any better, no one came to the ceremony, it was at the courthouse," which meant he married the girlfriend.

It's  been a year and 4 months since I've seen him last.  A year and 3 since we've last talked and ended our friendship.

I don't know what to think about tomorrow, yet I can't get it off my mind...

Too much on the mind

I think it's about time to get serious about school.

I only have one more final that actually matters, and that is to take place Tuesday evening.

I kind of wish I didn't have a month off from school because I feel like school would take my mind off of all the things bothering me.

Here's the list:

1. Contact with 'The Let Down'

2. The crush I have on FA that I can't seem to shake.

3. Still find myself talking to Ex-Boy

4. Auditions gone awry

5. Auditions I thought I did well at and obviously didn't

I just feel kind of down.  I like the feeling of new classes and completely throwing myself into them.

I know that as soon as my finals are done I'm going to do a deep clean of the apartment, so that should take my mind off of things for, ohh, about a day or two.  What to do for the rest of the month I have off?

A Dream...A really really annoying dream.

Have you ever woken up from a dream and just thought t yourself- "I hate my  mind for letting me dream that?"

This just happened to me.  Literally, like 10 minutes ago.  I had to go do a PBT this morning so when I came back I went back to sleep for a couple hours because I am exhausted.

Well in this course of a couple hours I dreamt this-

I was with my parents and Ex-Boy showed up (in whom my parents actually like in the dream- and they kind of liked him in real life.. weird.)  So Him and I start talking and we end up kissing.  I kind of tell him something like, "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow."  He's actually down for it.  So it's all set to see him tomorrow.

All of the sudden I end up at a Rite-Aid.  I'm shopping for make up and apparently they sold fashion boots there, in my dream, so I was shopping for those too.  They didn't have my size however so my Mom, who was with me, told me to call their hotline.  I called and they never actually helped me, which was fine, cause I forgot about it.

At one point a women came and was helping me and then she was locking up the store so we all left behind her.

Cut to a situation in which I have NO CLUE how I got there, how it came about, etc.  I'm at 'The Let Down's' house.  It's him, I, his *cringes* wife, his mother, some male family members, my mother, etc.  It would seem we were celebrating something that reminded me of a superbowl.

Some people leave and it turns into a murder scene.  There's a killer going around killing people.  So some of the people go for help (I think LD went to go get help but I'm not sure).  I come around the corner of the hallway to the family room only to find LD's wife getting her throat slit.  I try to stop the killer but can't, so I take their mask off.  It was some girl whom I can't remember he significance in the dream.  She ends up leaving.  I try to save LD's wife but it's too late.

Now everyone for the most part is back.  It's almost as if they forgot about LD's wife, or they don't care, like it's no big deal.  He didn't seem to care either.  He's in his room and I go in.  We start to have a serious talk about the past.  Sometime between this and us being in the hallway together we decide we need to be together.  We need to be in a relationship.

We kiss, we hug, we become inseparable.  We tell EVERYONE how happy we are and that we decided to be together.  I tell my mom, and she's very wary of it.  Then I tell her that we are in a relationship, deal with it, and we'll be getting married...

In the dream I change my  FACEBOOK RELATIONSHIP STATUS (SO LAME) to in a relationship.  However I strictly remember LD's last name from the dream and it's not his real last night.  In the dream it was something like 'EB is now in a relationship with LD Libb.  It was either Libb or Libby, but it was so strange.

Cut to the bedroom.  We are laying together talking, happy as can be, and we decide, this is our happy ending.

Someone...Please please please interpret...

I'm not playing it, I AM it.

Does 'playing hard to get' really work?  I was 'reflecting', if you will, on old conversations I've had with people via email and facebook messages.  I got pretty far back, all the way into the beginnings of Ex-Boy and I's first 'date' after the hookup.  When I was reading our messages, I couldn't help but think of how disinterested I sounded with him.  I just didn't seem to be that into him.

Truth is, in the beginning, I wasn't interested in him.  I was still hung up on 'The Let Down' and all I could think of was, what the hell does this kid have to offer.

I was totally playing Samantha on Sex and the  City- you know, how she's really only down for one night deals.  That's what I though Ex Boy was going to be.

It would also seem that the fact that I was so disinterested in Ex-Boy is what kept the conversation flowing.  The more I made excuses not to hang out or broke plans or whatever, the more he kept asking me out, and kept saying all the cute things that would have made me smitten when I wanted him back oh so much after the break up.

I'm starting to truly think that the independent women, the disinterested women, the girl who isn't really 'playing' hard to get, but rather the one that is hard to get, is the girl guys are interested in.

What's so attractive about disinterest?

It rings true both ways, it would seem.  The more I try to make plans with FA that don't work out, the more I want to snag him.

What do you think?

I miss him

You don't realize how much a person has broken you until you're in retrospect.  When I received 'The Let Down's' response via email, I came to tears.  Not because it was mean or anything, just because I never realized how broken I really am because of him.

He broke my heart.  He did.  And now we're emailing. 

I feel relieved, upset, sad, scared, and nervous all at once.

We are to meet up around Christmas and I'll get my book.  Maybe then, once and for all, we can talk, and then... it will really  be over.  Because I can't have someone who broke my spirit soo much, in my life.  It isn't healthy.

As much as I love him and want him there...I can't.

I Hope I Won't Regret This

I don't know if I'm going to regret this or not, but I made contact with The Let Down.

It's been over a year since I've last talked to him.  I used to think about him every day.  After a couple months it became less and less frequent.  I still think about him from time to time but I know that what happened had happened for a reason.  I'm in a much better place- although I still seem to aim pretty low when it comes to men in my life.

He still has (hopefully) my book.  Franny and Zooey by: JD Salinger.  One of my favorite authors.  I really just want my book back.

My email to him was short, and sweet.  He most likely won't respond.  He definitely won't expect it.  Hell, I didn't even expect I'd be emailing him.  For some reason though, he came across my mind, like most things locked away in the confines of my mind do at 6 AM after being up for almost 24 hours.

Lets hope I get my book back over break.  That's all I can ask for...

First Day

Today I will be writing based off of a prompt for One-Minute Writer again.  The prompt says: describe a first day.

My first day at MSU was one of the most bitter sweet moments in my life... at the time.  It was before 'The Let Down' (see label for old posts of 'The Let Down') actually let me down.  I woke up at 7 AM that morning, although I'm pretty sure I never really slept the night prior.  The car was already packed from the night before because my Dad couldn't move me in, so his job was to make sure we were completely ready to leave in the morning.  I was stressed, like really stressed.  The last thing I wanted to do was to go to school and leave behind the bar I was working at that summer and, of course, I didn't want to put distance between me and The Let Down (lets just call him LD).  I drove my little red cutlass while my mom followed me to LD's house.  He came outside and I got out of the car.  It was pretty much ritual that whenever we drove together in my car I would make him drive and I'd play ipod DJ.

The whole car ride there we talked about everything, as always.  About college, about his past, about his trashy girlfriend; everything.  LD said, "I was thinking, you know, I'm no good with talking on the phone, so I thought, maybe we could write to each other?"  It was like he read my mind.  There was one thing I specifically remember asking him as we were driving to East Lansing.  I looked at him (as always, with admiration) and said, "LD, can we just run away to California?  Fuck MSU, lets just go."  He just looked at me and said, "EB, you need to get away to College, you need MSU.  You'll be fine."  Little did I know that he was foreshadowing the fact that only about a month later he was going to end our friendship.

****

When I got to school I checked in while my mother and LD parked the cars.  We unpacked all of my stuff.  LD set up my printer, and then my roommate finally showed up.  Oh man.  Her first impression was great.  I thought we were going to be best of friends because we were so similar.  Later, it turned out our similarities were the biggest weakness in our friendship, but this isn't about that, it's about my first day.  After I unpacked everything LD, my mother, and I went to lunch.  It was quite lovely, really.  LD got up to go to the bathroom and my mother told me that in their short car ride/walk from parking the cars LD raved about me, about how special I was to him, what a good friend I was.  This still makes no sense to me.

****

I was dreading what was to come next after our lunch.  It was time for them to drop me off and say goodbye.    I went with them to pick up the other car and LD and I drove my car to drop me off at the dorm.  Tears filled my eyes and I had a large lump in my throat, preventing me from doing any speaking.  I remember swallowing hard and catching my breath in order to say goodbye.  LD looked at me and told me, "Don't even worry, you'll be home on most weekends!  And we're going to write to each other."  He gave me one last hug goodbye.  I told him I'd be home in two weeks and we'd have to hang out.  I got out of the car, and as I walked to the door of my dorm  I turned my head over my right shoulder and took one last look at LD.  Right as I did this he yelled, as loud as he could, out my window, "I love you!  Have fun!"  I smiled, and responded, "I will."  He drove off, and I walked inside.

"Franny and Zooey" by: JD Salinger

I love being home, yet I hate it. I get to see Loren and Jesse, that's the good part. There's the chance that I'll run into him, that's the bad part. Loren and I went to Meijers tonight really late. It reminded me of this past summer, when Meijer after work was a usual thing. The only thing I could think of being there tonight was what if you happened to be there. I wouldn't even be able to speak to you, let alone look at you twice. I'd just have to walk away. You still have my book. I want it back. I don't even want to see you, but I want my fucking book back. I swear I even saw you. Guilty. I was looking. I wanted to see you so bad so I could look away, so you would know how badly you fucked up. So you would know we really aren't ever going to be friends again. I want to hurt you. I want you to realize what you gave up. Mostly I just want my fucking book back. As soon as I get that fucking book back you will be behind me. I'll burn your letters, your address, delete you out of my phone, and delete you out of my life. Please, just let that book show up in my mailbox, or something. The best present I could get this year is that book. As soon as I have that book, I can put you behind me. There will be nothing holding me to you. Nothing to connect us. Thinking about thanksgiving, I'm so fucking thankful to learn what a coward you were. You were the biggest blessing in my life, because you taught me the biggest lesson I've learned. You taught me what a true friend isn't. You taught me how not to treat others. You taught me never to trust someone you love, unless they're your blood. I have a feeling if we cross paths again I'll have a burning passion within to punch you in the face, but I know what I need to do. I know that if we do cross paths I must turn the other way. Not even leaving you with a smile. It's time to forget. It's time to move on. Just please, I want that book. As soon as that book enters my life again, you'll be out of it...and I can't fucking wait.

Over

"Over"

Holding on to a ghost, unable to release it
He's kicking and screaming, throwing things, running in circles, he's screaming
She's a wall, red brick, no texture, just a wall
A vase full of glass flowers, falling from a skyscraper
The glass scatters and shatters, making an unbearable crashing sound
Who's going to sweep up the pieces? (She will) Who's going to bury the glass? (She will)
Who's going to get the fuck over it? (She won't)
But she will...for it's now over
And the sad song of the glass ends
And she walks away from its new grave
(No turning back)
And she walks away from its new grave
The wind continues to blow, full force

P.S.

In addition to the 'Fucker' post. I found out shortly after he told me we couldn't be friends anymore, that he married his alcoholic girlfriend. I'm talking about two 26 year-olds, who both live with their parents. One of them works as a waiter while the other sits on her ass drinking with money from the other. Yeah, I got a little drunk and texted him. I told him we aren't friends anymore, have a good fucking life. His reply? 'Okie dokie, thanks you too," with another text saying, "If it makes you feel any better, no one came to the ceremony, it was at the court house...". It took me a while to realize what he meant by that. Then I was just sitting there, and it hit me. He married her. It makes so much more sense as to why he wanted to end the friendship. I just can't believe he wouldn't tell me. How long ago was it? When did it happen? It honestly, really does hurt. We were really good friends. All that bullshit he told my mom, how I'm one of his close friends, and one that he wouldn't want to lose. How I'm such a great person..all bullshit? It just leaves so many unanswered questions. It's saddening... having your heart broken, by the first person you ever loved.



I don't think I could handle seeing him. I think i'd want to kill him.

Fucker.

Tonight was interesting. It was a good night until about midnight-12:30ish. I was the one who was pretty adamant about waiting for him to talk to me. But low and behold I called him...to find out that he doesn't want to be my friend because I put too much "pressure" on him. Night ended in tears, then it started again with rice kitchen and sixteen candles. My roommate really cheered me up. I'm still feeling a bit down though. Tomorrow is declared mental health day for Danielle. Only going to one of my classes and the rest of the day will be spent sleeping and relaxing and forgetting he ever existed. Now the song I'm listening to is making me depressed again. Poop.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I guess that phrase rings true. It's so sad how it was 'meant to be', until I left. Now it's meant to be a piece of shit.


I thought you'd pull through for me. I thought you'd prove me wrong, and make me take back my goodbye letter. Instead you were one big fucking disappointment.

I really hate change. I don't think I can handle all of this. It's time to put that little bar behind me. It's time to put those people, who were my friends, who I worked with, all behind me. Forced change. It's the worst.


I hate you because you disappoint me...because you don't want me.

Why in the hell do I still want you then?

One of these things first.

Vegas was really fun. I can't believe it's almost been a year since that trip.

Anyways, home for the weekend. Nothing changes here. School is so dynamic, home is so static. My mom tried to ground me for getting in a tickle fight with her..it was really funny.

Tomorrow is Sweetest Day.

A friendship might die this weekend. It's really sad. Out of sight, out of mind is true, I guess.

Off to get some reading done.

Open letter to the you that won't read this letter.

Dear person,
I'm sorry, but I really don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm pretty sure it's something along the lines of, I miss you, stop being a douche bag, and make time to see me. I don't know what about that sentence makes you think of me as a castrating bitch, but I just don't see it. Comparing me to Lorena Bobbitt, because I'm done being the only person trying to make our friendship work, was cruel. I'm pretty sure I'm no Lorena Bobbitt. The truth of the matter is our relationship has shifted 180 degrees and I feel like I'm falling from the sky when it comes to me and you. We were so close before, maybe too close given the circumstances. You weren't just like a brother to me, you were honestly one of my best friends. I love you. I really do. I probably always will. Every time I see you, my heart will probably race...but I can't do this anymore. I'm sick of holding myself back. I'm sick of waiting for you to be having a hard time, then coming my way. I need consistency. If you're going to be part of my life, then do it, if not, then I don't know why I still try. I'm sick of your one letter, to my three letters. I'm sick of your letters telling me "I don't need anyone." "I'll be fine on my own." Maybe that worked for you, because you had something else that kept you going. I'm not judging you, but I am telling you- I want you in my life, I might even need you in my life. But if you don't make the effort to be in it, then you obviously don't deserve my desire to have you in my life.
I've watched you try and save her this whole time. I never understood why you were trying to save her, when if she wanted to change, she would have done it already. She isn't going to change for you, she's going to change for herself, if she ever changes, that is. This made me realize, when you love someone, your childhood naivety comes back into play. I love you, and I now realize that I've been trying to save you this whole time. I've been doing to you what you've been doing to her. Looking at it now, as I'm about to change myself, I know that I can't change you. I can't make you see what you are doing is wrong, because you do love her. I can't make you see what you need is right in front of you, because you are too busy feeding off of the love between you and her. I guess, maybe, this only makes sense in my head. I'm okay with that.
It's time for closure. This is no love letter. It's a goodbye letter. Goodbye to you. Goodbye to my old self. It's time to start over new. It's time to make a change and stop living in a fantasy world. It's time for the world to become a colder place. I'll always love you, but I am done. Thank you for everything- you shaped who I was. It's time for me to take over, and shape who I am.
Sincerely,
Danielle

Back to the dorms.

The weekend was..disappointing. Friday night was great. Saw Ash Thomas- haven't seen her in a while. Had an amazing conversation with Loren Fenn. Probably the best part of the weekend, by far. Saturday went to a party-type-thing with a bunch of people from high school. It showed me how ready I really was for College. Sunday I learned how disappointing friends can be. I also learned to stop giving someone as many chances as I have. The ball is now in his court. He can do with it as he pleases, but I'm done forcing plans. If he wants to see me, he can contact me.

Back in the box of a dorm. It sucks when the weather is a record high of 90 degrees. Lets hope I can get some sleep.



P.S. I love that duck.

Hmm?

Do guys suck at life intentionally? I know I don't really mean all guys. For the most part, though, the ones I've been talking to, or hanging out with lately, have had a major suckage factor.

Example A.
My best guy friend. Barely ever get to see him, due to the fact that I'm at school and he's at home. Whenever I come home to visit, we make plans. He ALWAYS breaks them. The only successful time was the first weekend I came home. Seriously, what the fuck? We were such close friends before I left, we write each other when I'm at school, but for some reason, he can't make time for me every couple weeks I am home.

Example B.
A guy I was somewhat seeing...I guess. He took me to the movies. He picked me up. Payed for the movie. Kiss goodnight. I had lunch with a friend of mine and told her about it. She randomly and coincidentally meets him. Exchanges a few words. Finds out his name, and goes "Oh my friend went on a date with a guy named ---- last night." He goes- "Oh well I'm not really dating anyone." She goes- "Oh well her names Danielle and-" He goes-"Oh, yeah, Danielle, uh, we hang out..."
Honestly, going on a date, isn't marriage, it's not even commitment. Not to mention we've gone on a couple dates, and "hang out" quite often.


There's another example but I really don't feel like going into that one.


Situationally, boys suck.