Agreed

My friend from work had this posted on his facebook.  I read it, and instantly associated it with every guy I've ever dated.

if you "don't mean to be a dick" and then you do something that makes you a dick...not only are you a dick, but you are a liar.

What Went Down

Okay I guess I should explain myself.

What happened with The Pres:

Him and I started talking and flirting.  There was an immediate connection.  I did something very unlike myself- I let my guard down.  I let myself get excited about something that wasn't yet concrete.

He decided to break up with his girlfriend, partially because their relationship was shitty, and partially to be with me.

That night we hung out and were all cute and shit together and it went well.. so I thought.

I was at work and he I/med me and said something along the lines of 'I had a good time but it really freaked me out and I think there's going to be a lot of fallout with my ex, so I don't think we can proceed with this yet, and I just am very confused now and wasn't ready to break up with her'.

So I was polite about it and decided to leave him alone for a while and let him think or whatever he needed to do, even though I was hurt by it and angry with myself for letting myself get excited about it.

It has been 5 days since I talked to him, so I decided to text him hello and see how he's been, expecting either no response, or a response in which he is honest and says what's going on with him and his ex and his feelings (he's that kind of person, the kind that is extremely open about everything and likes to talk about shit).  Well his response was... rather vapid.  Not unfriendly, but just staying on the surface.

I think I need to be on spring break more than ever right now.

Checks and Balances of "I Love You's"

Matters of the

heart are (hardly)

'diplomatic'.

Jagged edges

of a dismal blade

run smoother

than those feelings

that overcome

one (or many).

It's messy yet

addicting; one

can(t) help but

fight for the

heartbreak.

I've been awarded

the awful pain

of those (few) words.

'I Love You's'

are never spoken

when deep in

the [politics] of

love.

Rather (reserved)

for befores

and afters.

***

So I've decided to start writing some poetry more often.  I haven't done it in a very long time, and I used to really enjoy it so I shall.

This one is dedicated to my feelings on sex and love trying to coincide in one world.

Enjoy!

I'm her

I'm that girl.  I'm the girl that makes him realize how much he loves his girlfriend... every time.

I don't want to be her.

The Pres

I have a crush.

And I may or may not be heading in the direction of a relationship.

We need to give this boy a name, so I can obnoxiously refer to all that is him.  I'm thinking Pres, as he is Pres of film club.

So.  Pres broke up with his girlfriend, maybe and maybe not for me.

I haven't done this in so long, I forget how the process of actual dating works...  Someone refresh my memory!!

EDITTTTT:

Scratch all of that.

Really?

Life is very strange.  So I met a new boy.

I've known him... kind of.  He's president of film club.  So I see him every other week, yet we've never talked one on one, nor seen each other outside of actual FC meetings.

On Valentine's Day he made a comment on one of my facebook statuses (facebook is getting so lame, I know) making a joke of V-Day.

Then, last night at the meeting we started talking.  He ended up coming out with the core group of us and we talked the whole time...

He has a girlfriend but it isn't going well.

I'm not going to be that girl to move in on him while he's in a relationship, but there was definitely chemistry there.

Hopes aren't going up though,  I know how this could play out and it could end with him and her being happily or unhappily together, while I've gotten into this really deep crush on a guy who won't ever realllllly leave her.

Shit isn't going down like that.

Contact from Ex-Boy

Why?  Why do they (men, Exes in particular) do this to us (women)?

I'm sitting at my computer, minding my own business, which an away message up.  All of the sudden I get an instant message from, who?  Ex-Boy.

Keep in mind I haven't seen or talked to Ex-Boy since December, and even then it was the first time since September that I had seen him.

I have a theory.

Ex-Boy has yet to find someone (aside from his other ex who he cheated on me with) to be romantically involved with since me.

I propose that he does this to keep me on his little hook.  He doesn't want me to get too attached, yet he still wants that option to be available for the times when he's wanting to get out some sexual tension.

Therefore after seeing me he will wait weeks, if not months, and then, like a slithering snake, sneak up on me, and out of nowhere strike up a conversation.

It's always very relaxed, and usually starts with him poking fun at me in his lame attempts to  be flirtatious.

This time I played it differently.  I was polite, but I stayed focused on what I was doing (studying).  The conversation started to dwindle and he said he had to go (probably to avoid anymore awkward pauses).  That was it.

This is me, finally over all of it.  Lets just hope he doesn't ask to hang out though... I don't think I'm quite that strong yet to say no...