I'm pretty low.

That's all I have to say.

hmm.

So it's probably not a good idea to stay up until 7:30 AM, especially when it's daylight savings...


I have to go back to school today, and get lots of shit done around here before I can. Again, the former was not a good idea.

I saw an amazing movie last night, The Bank Job. The best way I can describe it is it's a mix between Oceans 11 and American Gangster. It's set in the 70s. A firm of "fbi" like guys are trying to steal compromising photos from a radical black power figure. These photos are worth endless amounts of money because they're of royality doing naughty things. Basically they are buying the criminal black power figures freedom, so he gets to do whatever the fuck he wants. One of the agents gets his girlfriend to convince her friends to rob a bank under different pretenses. Shit goes down, etc. etc. It's also based on the crooked coppers of London and the naughty guilty pleasures of people with high social status.


I'd give this movie an 8.5/10, pretty damn amazing.

Music is my boyfriend.

It is. Music never fails to "set the stage," if you will, for what life brings. It's always there for me. It has the power to affect my mood or change it. It's the perfect boyfriend. Therefore I love music. I am in love with music.


Explosions in the Sky
Damien Rice
Ellis Paul
Sara Bareilles
Ingrid Michaelson
The Album Leaf
Rilo Kiley
Cat Power
Ryan Adams
Mirah
Radiohead


That's just to name a few of my lovers.


AKA- I'm single and gonna find solace in music :-/

w00t

I'm finally over it. Fuck him, I'm better than that, and he just happens to be a douche bag. :)

Anyways, I might have my summer job lined up. Putting Edge, yeah the place I worked at for a year and a half during high school, called me back and is having me come in for an interview. I find that to be quite funny since they know me so well, I was one of their best workers, and the only reason I left was because it was too far away- which it still is, but whatev. So I have to go in there today and "interview" which will be more along the lines of, "Hey craiggers! How are you? That's good, woot!" haha.

...

When do the tears stop?

Ugh.

I can't sleep. Everything just keeps getting played over and over again in my head and it's driving me fucking crazy. I can't wait to get the fuck out of here because I can't handle it right now. Even painting today barely helped. How fucked is that? I feel paranoid and frustrated and just blah. I can tell people think I should be getting over it all, so I'm going to have to start putting on that face. The one where I pretend everything is fine when really it's not. I hate that face. I can not wait to get to California. I've never been and it'll be nice to get away, go enjoy the surf for a bit. I'm sick to my stomach thinking about everything. He's made me feel physically ill, and that's just pathetic and disgusting (to myself). I should never give a guy that much credit and that much power, yet, it happened. Sometimes I just wish I were a bear so I could hibernate. I want to get away and be completely alone for a bit but it's impossible. No one will let me.


Please, just let me be.

Is it possible?

Is it possible, to literally feel sickened by someone's actions? I haven't cried yet. A normal reaction would be tears. Instead, every time I hear his name or anything about the situation I literally feel nauseous, and almost feel like I can't breathe. It's a very similar feeling to a panic attack, however it has lasted for three days. I don't understand, I don't think I ever will, how someone could do that to another person. I'm so talked out from talking about it all of the time. Yet, I just can't get it off of my mind. I know everyone is probably getting annoyed with me about it, but still. The sickening feeling I get, it's almost like a feeling of distrust of everything, so strong that I feel physically ill.

So i've learned. Trust is a privilege. One to be earned. You can't just award it to anyone, some don't deserve it... obviously.