Did you know...

...that Barnes & Noble Booksellers will publish your work for only $299. They'll put it on the web (www.bn.com) with a custom cover, for $499. They'll even put the book in the store for 60 day for the price of $1099.

For someone who just has some random cash lying around, or even for someone who starts saving, little by little, this is a pretty cool idea.

The only problem I have is what I write about- wouldn't be interesting to others. Hah.

ADD in a post.

Campus has that perfect fall feeling right now. Just chilly enough to wear a zip up or a hoodie. My dorm room window has a tree right in front of it. The leaves on it are starting to change colors and it lights the room in a home-like way. However, it's somewhat of a catch 22. Yeah fall is beautiful- but with it comes seasonal depression (yes, I just made that term up).

Anyways.


I was bored and decided to look up my ADD medicine online. Apparently, it causes suicidal thoughts among teens and children. Well, I don't have suicidal thoughts, but it's scary knowing that my meds could cause them.
It also causes severe liver injury. I've been on it for over a year, and nothing has happened yet, but why didn't I know about this stuff before? It's just kind of weird.


I've decided I can't live in the same room with someone. I really hate it. Not to mention my roommate's a pathological liar. I can't even count how many times I've caught her in a lie. It's ridiculous.




I can't help but feel...I'm not cut out for this.

I saw this on someone else's blog...

and thought that it was a good way to relate my music to my life, as well as giving me something to write about.


So I put my iTunes on random and the first song that came up that I felt I had a good connection to (and that had lyrics) I decided to post about.


Not Enough by: Our Lady Of Peace


Lyrics:

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's nothing in between
You know the truth

Nothing left to face
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your place...

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

There's nothing left to prove
There's nothing I wont do
There's nothing like the pain
I feel for you
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
I am always here...

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone is over
What you got
What you love
What you need
What you have is real
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough
I'm sorry,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

It's not enough
No, it's not enough
It's not enough




Connection to my life:

I first was introduced to OLP by my longtime, now ex best friend, and our mutual friend. It was the summer before my junior year. I remember driving around, listening to the song alone. I was in a really bad place. I didn't know who I was, and I truly felt like I wasn't enough. The windows would be down, the air blowing on my face, and it all felt so nostalgic. Thinking about the lyrics now is kind of creepy. The way our friendship was before it ended is exactly as the lyrics. I felt and lived her pain for her, because I didn't know how to live my own life. I'm glad I'm in somewhat of a better place now, but that song will always feel like a high school summer to me.

Things to do before death (In no particular order)

- Sing at a karaoke bar
-Disc jockey on the radio
-Confess my love to someone
-Genuinely befriend someone I dislike
-Get over past issues
-Jump out of a plane
-Travel to other countries (Canada/Mexico not included)
-Waitress
-Spend the night under the stars
-Go to a drive-in movie
-Run a mile (no stopping)
-Learn to play a song on the guitar
-Introduce myself to a stranger
-Buy a car
-Save a thousand dollars
-Take a road-trip
-Sleep on a beach
-Have sex in an awkward place (elevator, plane, etc.)
-Try a red-headed slut (drink)
-Bar-tend
-Write a song
-Write a novel
-Read all of Chuck Palahniuk's books
- 4 point a college semester
-Have something published
-Open mic night comedy
-Join an improv troupe
-Master Guitar Hero
-Build something of significance
-Get my tattoo
-Paint
-Photograph something beautiful
-Hold my breath for 3 minutes under water
-Jump in a pile of leaves
-Jump off a bridge into a lake
-Stand on top of a mountain and scream as loud as I can for as long as I can





Will add more later

Wow.

So my last post was really bad.


I guess that's what homesickness does, huh?

It will get better. Hopefully I really will get a job. Plus, I don't have to wake up until really late tomorrow (class isn't until three).

Oh, and also, Mirah is really great music. I like it at least. It is chick folk, though.

You should give it a listen- Advisory Committee is my favorite album thus far.

I think I just need to realize that life isn't always fun, or easy. You have to work for your fortunes, and learn from your misfortunes.

I, personally, need to stop acting sorry for myself. I don't really feel sorry for myself, I think I'm just acting like it...

Lame, I know.


I'm done with that. From now on, this is going to be random and fun, no more depressing shit.

K? K,

Something to write about.

Have you ever been in one of those moods. The mood that makes you feel totally inadequate?

I was crossing the street tonight. It was dark outside and I was wearing a black sweatshirt. A pickup truck was coming up pretty fast to my right. It was one of those moments where they had just come from a stop sign so they were accelerating. The girls with me sped up to cross to insure their safety. I walked the same speed the whole way. At that one moment I would have been fine with that truck hitting me.

I was thinking about it while I was walking around campus, yesterday. If I were to get hit by a car, or a bus, I wouldn't want to die, but I most definitely wouldn't want to be fine. It's one of those things that would change your whole life...or what's the point. I know that sounds completely morbid.

I can assure you I don't want to die. I don't want to get hit by a bus or a car either. For some reason, though, these thoughts crossed my path.


It's just been one of those days, I guess.

I feel as if I haven't met enough people. Like my friendships should already be established, a month in. I hate that. Starter friends. It kinda sucks a lot. Heh- what great writing rhetoric I have, right?

I'm so used to staying out until three in the morning having all sorts of sober fun. Not here, though. If it were a Friday night back home, I would be sitting in a movie theatre, watching the previews. Around here everyone is out with their "other" friends, or sleeping, or who fucking knows. This is the time I feel most alone. It helps that I, obviously, am alone. I'm sitting in an empty room, listening to chick folk (Mirah).

So what to do? Get a job? Tried. Join a club? Tried that too.

For now, I guess, I'll just have to stick it out.


TGIF tomorrow.









Oh yeah, no one reads this... :(