Obsession.

Due to the fact that I'm working tonight, and I feel as though it will be a long one, I'm going to blog.

Here I go:

I'm gonna try something new, which will probably help focus my writing a bit more, which, we can all admit, I could use a little help with that from time to time.  One Minute Writer so kindly offers prompts to write about.  Today's is 'What bad habit would you like to change?'

If I could change any of my bad habits the one I most likely would change would have to be how I obsess about things.  I'm going to try my hardest to not make myself sound like a crazy person here, but I tend to get overly stressed about things, leading to a bit of obsession.  It varies from situation to situation, but whenever something upsets me, or something leaves me uneasy, I focus way too much on it, which, in turn, causes even more stress.

I'm very aware of this little quirk I posses, and I will admit, it's one of my biggest vices.  I often find myself pleading with my brain to stop focusing on the small stuff and just relax; think about something else.  It's nearly impossible.  I mean, you read my blog.  You all can tell, I'm sure, how much I do this. Whether it was about Matt from the very very early blogging days (I believe there were at least 20 posts dedicated to that little situation), or if it's about my recent jail experience, which, after it happened, I believe I wrote about it for 2 or 3 weeks.

I also do this when it comes to boys.  No, that is too light a way to put it;  especially when it comes to boys- there, that's better.  I swear, it's not in a creepy way, but more in a 'this is so annoying I can't stop thinking about him' kind of way.  I can even go as far to say that I blame everything with Ex-Boy that happened after the relationship on it.  If it weren't for this stupid little habit, he wouldn't have been in my head so much, and I wouldn't have been so tempted to keep going back, even 6 months later.

Will it ever go away?  Perhaps with time.  If it doesn't go away, will I learn to just count it as background music to my twisted life?  Lets hope so.

Until then, I'm going to go obsess more about Twilight, and the fact that the movie comes out in 3-4 days, depending on where you live.  Get excited!

Music is my Heroin

Could you ever date someone who didn't like, or listen to, music?

I'm not sure that I could. Although I've gotten behind on keeping up with the latest jams, I still am so passionately in love with all the music I listen to, that I can't imagine someone not listening to it.

For me, music is healing. When I break up with someone, or something doesn't go my way, I turn to it to console me, to help me get through it.

I don't know what I would have done had I not had Bonnie Somerville's 'Winding Road' to get me through my break up with the Ex-Boy. What would I have turned to had I never discover how great Death Cab for Cutie is while walking through campus in the fall?

How is it that I can have a crush on someone who doesn't listen to music, or, dare I say it, doesn't even like music.

Music gets me through my day, and helps me fall asleep at night.

Can you really be compatible with someone who doesn't share, or care to share, a passion with you that you've carried inside of you forever?

Well, well, well.

So I went to court today and got my pre-trial date- woohooo! NOT. While I was there, though, another guy went to stand in front of the judge. Not only did he have 4, yes that's right FOUR MIPs under his belt, but he was there for ANOTHER one and for peeing in public- not to mention the fact that he was only born in 1990! How does someone get into that much trouble being that young?! I bet his parents want to kill him.

A fun little statistic for you- 60% of MSU students graduate with a degree and an MIP- so if they haven't gotten one yet, I'm sure they will eventually- the odds are against them.


Anyways- I'm sure you're sick of hearing about my legal issues so I will move on. I have to credit SO@24 for the awesome song he has on his blog today. It totally fits- Up and Up by Relient K.

The Soundtrack To My Life

Well, it's a new day and I'm feeling good. Aside from the fact that I'm overwhelming myself with procrastination for my exam on Thursday. I should be studying but instead I'm freaking myself out about the exam. That's right- instead of actually studying for it- I'm just complaining about it. Oh well.

So today has been, fan-freaking-tastic. There is no sarcasm there. I slept in, I took my time doing my hair, I went to class and sat next to the cutest little asian girl (she even befriended me, and invited me for traditional chinese food and tea- SCORE!), and then I came home, went to the bank, and here I am. A very chill, mild, laid back day. Congrats, to me.


If you could pick the soundtrack to your life thus far, what would it be? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, yet every time I try to craft it I notice all my songs are about unrequited love- epic fail in my opinion. I'm finally going to just do it- craft it and try to make it as less 'emo' as I can.

1. Be Here Now- Ray LaMontagne
This song has the best introduction- it just builds and builds. It's the perfect start to the soundtrack of my life. Not to mention the lyrics take over with "Don't let your mind get weary..." etc. etc. It's just great.

2. Put Your Records On- Corinne Bailey Ray
It's happy, it's sunny, it reminds me of children playing- it goes here in my soundtrack with my adolescence.

3. Follow You Down- Gin Blossoms
Remember how popular this song was in the 90's? 'Nuff said.

4. Such Great Heights- Postal Service
Remember that time when you're in middle school and there's that one boy that you absolutely think you love, even though you don't. I'd imagine this would be the kind of song I'd listen to over and over again thinking about him being with you.

5. Delicate- Damien Rice
This song describes that actual relationship part of one of my relationships.

6. Screaming Infidelities- Dashboard Confessional
The break up aftermath.

7. Cannonball- Damien Rice
The "getting over you by listening to music" phase.

8. Dreaming With A Broken Heart- John Mayer
The "come back to me please" song- that you then realize- isn't going to bring them back.

9. Love Is A Battlefield- Pat Benatar
Every girl better know these words.

10. Someone Somewhere- Jason Reeves
The song you listen to when you know, it will work out, maybe it didn't last time, but eventually, you'll find someone just right.

11. Recommendations- Mirah
Insert "random dance break" here.

12. Don't Stop Believing- Journey
My "reach for the sky" song.

13. Seventeen Forever- Metrostation
Sometimes everyone wishes they could have stayed 17 forever.

14. California- Joni Mitchell
Every girl should have at least one Joni Mitchell song on their life soundtrack

15. Ice Ice Baby- Vanilla Ice
Just because everyone needs a rap song in their soundtrack

16. My Best Friend- Weezer
I have friends like this :-)

17. Winding Road- Bonnie Somerville
This is my 'wind it down' song

18. Hands Down- Dashboard Confessional
This is the perfect ending song.



I suggest everyone goes through their iTunes and picks their songs. It feels great to realize that more of your songs are happy than sad :)

Imogen Heap.

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just began to form crop circles in the carpet, Sinking... Feeling...
Spin me 'round again and rub my eyes;
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
Would stop to hold their heads heavy

-Hide and Seek By: Imogen Heap

I saw this on someone else's blog...

and thought that it was a good way to relate my music to my life, as well as giving me something to write about.


So I put my iTunes on random and the first song that came up that I felt I had a good connection to (and that had lyrics) I decided to post about.


Not Enough by: Our Lady Of Peace


Lyrics:

There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's nothing in between
You know the truth

Nothing left to face
There's nothing left to lose
Nothing takes your place...

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

There's nothing left to prove
There's nothing I wont do
There's nothing like the pain
I feel for you
Nothing left to hide
Nothing left to fear
I am always here...

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

What you want
What you lost
What you had
What is gone is over
What you got
What you love
What you need
What you have is real
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough
I'm sorry,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough,
It's not enough

When they say you're not that strong
You're not that weak
It's not your fault
And when you climb
Up to your hill
Up to your place
I hope you're well

It's not enough
No, it's not enough
It's not enough




Connection to my life:

I first was introduced to OLP by my longtime, now ex best friend, and our mutual friend. It was the summer before my junior year. I remember driving around, listening to the song alone. I was in a really bad place. I didn't know who I was, and I truly felt like I wasn't enough. The windows would be down, the air blowing on my face, and it all felt so nostalgic. Thinking about the lyrics now is kind of creepy. The way our friendship was before it ended is exactly as the lyrics. I felt and lived her pain for her, because I didn't know how to live my own life. I'm glad I'm in somewhat of a better place now, but that song will always feel like a high school summer to me.

Wow.

So my last post was really bad.


I guess that's what homesickness does, huh?

It will get better. Hopefully I really will get a job. Plus, I don't have to wake up until really late tomorrow (class isn't until three).

Oh, and also, Mirah is really great music. I like it at least. It is chick folk, though.

You should give it a listen- Advisory Committee is my favorite album thus far.

I think I just need to realize that life isn't always fun, or easy. You have to work for your fortunes, and learn from your misfortunes.

I, personally, need to stop acting sorry for myself. I don't really feel sorry for myself, I think I'm just acting like it...

Lame, I know.


I'm done with that. From now on, this is going to be random and fun, no more depressing shit.

K? K,