Some Early Resolutions

Alright, I know it's a little early for this- but I have some I need to put out there right now to ensure a quality year next year.

Speaking of, it would seem that every year brings new challenges.  Last year was the 'Year of Sick'.  This year was the 'Year of Cops'.  Lets hope that next year will be the 'Year of Steamy Romance'.

Alright- now for these resolutions:

1. Get on top of school-

Study study study!  All 4.0s!

2. Stop talking to Ex-Boy.

It's getting ridiculous this coming and going act I keep putting myself through.  I need to cut that shit out for good.

3. Start being more forward with what I want with certain people 

(FA to be specific, if he's still around by then).

4. Get on top of my probation-

I have had too many close calls for my liking, whether it be forgetting to set an alarm, or drinking too much, even if I do stop before 10:30 pm.

5. Money management!

So self explanatory

A celibate life is a simple life

How forward does a girl have to be for a guy to understand that she's into him?  How many times does she have to ask him to a movie or to hang out or whatever for him to get the point?

I think I've showed enough interest, and it's time for me to take a hint now.

It's not that I don't think he's interested, because truly, I can't tell- I just think he might be a bit clueless, that's all.

One of my roommates keeps trying to help me with my game.  He pretty much sat with me and fed me what to say to FA to help him get the point.  We aren't sure that even worked!

This is just getting to be too much like a game for my liking.  I wish everything were simpler- I like you, I like you too, lets go out.

Starting now:  day 1 of celibacy.

Lets hope I can do this.

Awkwardddd

Thanksgiving.

Well, lets start with the fact that we combined it, like I said in my previous post.  There was about 30 some people there.  It was ridiculously busy.

Also, as soon as I walked in I got bombarded by my family about winning the 48/5- everyone was oh so excited.  They all gave me shit about the fingers thing too :-/  I guess that just comes with the territory.

Dinner ends.  We are all sitting around, and my deadbeat cousins decide to make an announcement...

They're pregnant..again.  Oh boy.  Everyone says, in their most un-excited expressions "congrats..."

It was awkward.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has always been my all time favorite holiday.  If you couldn't tell from the week leading up to last year's Thanksgiving- I get really excited.

My whole life I would wake up in my bed and smell the turkey being made downstairs.  I'd rush down, peering into the dining room, only to see the most beautiful table set with our good China dishes and crystal glassware.  Off I'd be into the kitchen where my mom would be basting the Turkey and prepping to make the stuffing.  I'd flick on the Parade and we'd watch it as we'd prepare our feast.  My Aunt would head over around 10:30-11 ish and we'd all make my Great Grandmother's recipe for stuffing together.  My Aunt would prepare the chestnuts, I'd cut up the celery, and my mom would prepare the bread part.  We'd work all morning.  In the afternoon we would take a nap, and around 4:30 we'd start to get ready for the family.

As long as I can remember this has been my Thanksgiving day.  Around 20-30 people from my family would come and enjoy our feast with us.  When we were done we'd put away all the leftovers and head upstairs.  Around 2 AM my father and I would meet at the fridge and pig out on leftovers.

This year my family decided to change Thanksgiving.  A different Aunt of mine, who used to always have Thanksgiving with her husbands side of the family, is having it.  We, of course, are still making the stuffing...and the turkey, but my Aunt isn't coming in to help prepare, in fact, she isn't coming in at all.

It's going to be different.  It was already weird waking up, going downstairs, not seeing the table set, and leaving to go do a PBT at the police station.

I guess change is normal when you're in College.  It probably shouldn't faze me as much as it does.

Lets just hope Thanksgiving is still amazing.

Just a Thought

What is it about 'the chase'?  Why is it that we want what we can't have, but the second we find out it's not quite as unavailable as it seems, we've lost all interest?

These questions will probably haunt me for a very long time.  Prior to Ex Boy, this was an issue I possessed myself- in the worst possible ways.  Every guy that came my way- I'd lose interest as soon as I knew I could obtain them.  The Ex Boy was the only exception, and after a while, this issue rang true within him, hence the cheating, then the lousy break up.

I don't think I've gone back to my nasty ways, at least, I won't know if I have or not until there's  someone that is actually obtainable.  But I do notice it still with guys.  A LOT of guys are like this, too- Something about knowing you can't have something makes you want it more.

I guess I can't blame them.  Especially since I used to be like that.  I'm just getting so sick of playing this game all of the time- the game where, "I really want to text him- but I know I should wait 20 minutes so he wonders why I haven't texted him and then he'll want me more" monopolizes on my way of thought.

New philosophy.  If you want to talk to someone of interest- do it.  If you want to hang out with them, call them up and ask.  If you get turned down, take a hint.  But don't wait around thinking it makes you come off even more sexier.  If everyone stopped allowing all this chasing business to go one, finding a good relationship probably wouldn't be as difficult.

Just some food for thought.

8 Drinks Deep

My friends...are the best 'wing-girls' ever.

Last night, I brought my three friends (see halloween post) along with me to the premiere of our film.  When they got in the car I noticed they were all pretty trashed.  "Great!" I thought, "This is going to be fucked up."  I'm not going to lie, I was worried that they were  going to embarrass me, or seem annoying to my film club buddies.

Honestly, I had nothing to worry about.  Film club boys all loved them.

After we won we decided to take all our prize money and buy shit tons of alcohol.  We were on a mission to get wasted in celebration!

So we go to our trusty director's house.

I had 4 1/2 shots of Sambouka (I have no clue how to spell it), 2 shots of burnettes, a couple beers, and a mixed drink of captain and cider.  So, as I'm sure you can guess,  at the time I didn't fully appreciate how awesome my friends are at talking me up to, we'll call him, FA. 

Apparently they told him, "So many guys like EB" "She turns them all down, though"  "The guy she likes now is so so hot."

Who would have thought that would make FA interested? I didn't.  Apparently it did.  His response was, "Oh, really?!  Who is this guy. What's his name?!"

This altimately ended in a hallway-makeout session, in front of pretty much all of film club.

Way to go Wing-Girls.

I love my life.

A Treat

okay everyone- this is a once in the lifetime free pass into who I am.

Anonymity put aside.  Frankly, because I've worked realllly hard on this film...

and...

WE WON FIRST PLACE!!!!!  That's right.  First place in the 48/5- we are off now to the East Lansing Film Festival and the  Michigan Great Lakes Film Festival.

Enjoy this- cause I probably won't ever post it on here again!

'A Little Change'

I'm Late

Okay, I realize I'm a little late for it to still be considered the 23rd.  This whole blogging once a day, everyday business is harder than I thought it would be, especially with how busy this weekend has been.  I feel like the business doesn't even stop-

A recap:

Thursday night I went to see Twilight with a select few.  It was fun and I enjoyed the movie (I'm trying to be as careful with my words here about the movie as possible).

Friday started 48/5- we all met up that evening for a collaboration meeting in which we discussed ideas- I got to go to bed early cause I knew I'd be filming all day Saturday.

Like I said, all day Saturday was spent filming at a bakery.  I was in front of a camera for about 10 hours.  About 12 hours were spent in the actual bakery, and another 3 or 4 hours spent at our awesome director's house.

Sunday (today for me still) I woke up, hung around alllllll day doing nothing (such a nice feeling), went over to the director's house to see the closest thing to the final cut (they were still doing some editing for the premiere), and finally, went to dinner with Tricia.  I got a couple hours of sleep, and here I am, working away until 7 AM.

I. Am. Exhausted.

Tomorrow I have one class, then we have the premiere at 7 PM, we'll all probably go get dinner or something after to celebrate (lets hope we win!).

Tuesday I have two classes, then that evening I either have film club OR I have an audition for a film club movie (the audition is still tentative).

Wednesday morning I pack up and head home for my all time favorite holiday ever (just go read last year's Thanksgiving posts to get the point).

Thursday is Turkey Day!

Friday is shopping day!

Saturday and Sunday are both leftovers days.

As much as I love it all, it will be a relief when it's all over.

48/5 update.

Just in case any of those sneaky 48/5ers from other teams reads my blog, I'm not going to tell you the plot of our film.

I can say...it's going to be HILLARIOUS.   I would link it to youtube, but it could ruin the anonymity behind my blog.

I will also say, if you are really interested in seeing it, then comment my blog w/ your email, and I'll send you the youtube link.  However it probably won't be up on youtube until after Monday night.

We spent the whole day filming, and secured a bakery (Which we are pretty sure no other groups would be able to surpass the limits we broke).  We literally worked all day- from about 9 AM til 10 PM.

I must say, I absolutely love film acting.  It's so much more subtle and it doesn't have to be so over the top like stage acting is.

I also have to say it was definitely nice hanging out with about 12 guys ALL day.  Neither of the other two girls came so it was just me and a bunch of dudes.  I just can't wait to see the results of the film completely edited with the music put in and all.

Film Film Film

Today has been hectic, to say the least.  The day is finally here; the 48/5 competition started tonight.  Prior to that, though, I had a class (in which I had an accounting project due), then I had an audition (which was for another film club movie).  I felt pretty busy... and pretty cold!  All of the sudden it was 25 degrees out today!  I can't stand Michigan weather.

Tomorrow will be psychotic, to say the least.  I'll have to get up at 5 to call and see if I have to blow, then at 8 AM we are meeting to start filming.  The boys are doing all the writing tonight; should be done by 3 AM.

The one thing I noticed when we had our collaboration meeting just now, was how much of a 'guys thing' film is.  I definitely had to work hard to voice my opinions in a way that made sure they were heard.

With that said, tonight was a ton of fun.  Our group has about 12 people in it, only 3 of which are female.  We got our required dialogue, location, and prop:

Line of dialogue- "I've lost my mitten"

Location- Bakery

Prop- box of hair dye

We came up with some pretty great things incorporating it all.  What's nice is that it doesn't have to focus on these things, they can just be in the background.

I probably won't get much sleep this weekend, so I'm going to take advantage of an early night tonight and hit the sack.

Night Blogging world!

First Day

Today I will be writing based off of a prompt for One-Minute Writer again.  The prompt says: describe a first day.

My first day at MSU was one of the most bitter sweet moments in my life... at the time.  It was before 'The Let Down' (see label for old posts of 'The Let Down') actually let me down.  I woke up at 7 AM that morning, although I'm pretty sure I never really slept the night prior.  The car was already packed from the night before because my Dad couldn't move me in, so his job was to make sure we were completely ready to leave in the morning.  I was stressed, like really stressed.  The last thing I wanted to do was to go to school and leave behind the bar I was working at that summer and, of course, I didn't want to put distance between me and The Let Down (lets just call him LD).  I drove my little red cutlass while my mom followed me to LD's house.  He came outside and I got out of the car.  It was pretty much ritual that whenever we drove together in my car I would make him drive and I'd play ipod DJ.

The whole car ride there we talked about everything, as always.  About college, about his past, about his trashy girlfriend; everything.  LD said, "I was thinking, you know, I'm no good with talking on the phone, so I thought, maybe we could write to each other?"  It was like he read my mind.  There was one thing I specifically remember asking him as we were driving to East Lansing.  I looked at him (as always, with admiration) and said, "LD, can we just run away to California?  Fuck MSU, lets just go."  He just looked at me and said, "EB, you need to get away to College, you need MSU.  You'll be fine."  Little did I know that he was foreshadowing the fact that only about a month later he was going to end our friendship.

****

When I got to school I checked in while my mother and LD parked the cars.  We unpacked all of my stuff.  LD set up my printer, and then my roommate finally showed up.  Oh man.  Her first impression was great.  I thought we were going to be best of friends because we were so similar.  Later, it turned out our similarities were the biggest weakness in our friendship, but this isn't about that, it's about my first day.  After I unpacked everything LD, my mother, and I went to lunch.  It was quite lovely, really.  LD got up to go to the bathroom and my mother told me that in their short car ride/walk from parking the cars LD raved about me, about how special I was to him, what a good friend I was.  This still makes no sense to me.

****

I was dreading what was to come next after our lunch.  It was time for them to drop me off and say goodbye.    I went with them to pick up the other car and LD and I drove my car to drop me off at the dorm.  Tears filled my eyes and I had a large lump in my throat, preventing me from doing any speaking.  I remember swallowing hard and catching my breath in order to say goodbye.  LD looked at me and told me, "Don't even worry, you'll be home on most weekends!  And we're going to write to each other."  He gave me one last hug goodbye.  I told him I'd be home in two weeks and we'd have to hang out.  I got out of the car, and as I walked to the door of my dorm  I turned my head over my right shoulder and took one last look at LD.  Right as I did this he yelled, as loud as he could, out my window, "I love you!  Have fun!"  I smiled, and responded, "I will."  He drove off, and I walked inside.

My Mother is Crazy...and I'm Running Out of Time, Apparently

There will be two topics in today's discussion, class. First one being the fact that my biological clock is ticking.

In my head, I know that this is a ridiculous statement. I know that I am young, and I have TONS of time before I need to find the man of my dreams (read: the poor schmuck who ends up marrying me). However, it's difficult to keep this in mind when, literally, 6 of my friends/people I knew in high school have gotten engaged in the past 3 months. That's right. 6 people, all of whom have only been out of high school, at the most, 4 years. This is scary for me. At my age, my mother and father had already met and were engaged.

They say that this is the time in your life when, physically, your body is looking for a mate. You appear more attractive, you peak, sexually, and emotionally, that's what most people are looking for (women, at least). Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all women in their early 20s are automatically looking for their mate to marry- but most of them are at least looking for a relationship.

I know it's a ridiculous worry. It's probably one of my vices, worrying about stupid things. Yet, for some reason, it seems to be looming over me, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to come up too little, too late.

Topic two, in our discussion.

My mother is psycho. We all know how obsessed she is with my puppy. I'd be lying to myself to say that I'm getting Penny back from my mother. My mother is so disillusioned to the point that she will call me on the phone to tell me the most trivial of facts about what my puppy was up to today.

For instance- today Penny took a nap on my mother's lap, then played. She, apparently, missed her doggy friends down the road, so they went to visit them. Then she spied out the window on the neighbors. The house started shaking and she got scared, but when my mother told her it was only a helicopter, she calmed down.

Am I the only one that thinks that it's utterly insane that my mom considers my dog to be another daughter. Her excuse for not coming to visit, for example, is that it would be too much of a strain on Penny to drive an hour to come visit me...

This is an issue.

The List

A little less than a year ago I made The List. I figure there is no time like the present to update The List. My updates are in red.

- Sing at a karaoke bar
-Disc jockey on the radio
-Confess my love to someone
-Genuinely befriend someone I dislike
-Get over past issues
-Jump out of a plane- really, lets make this 'Go Skydiving'
-Travel to other countries (Canada/Mexico not included)- I'm going to london in Spring!
-Waitress- This is Done!
-Spend the night under the stars
-Go to a drive-in movie
-Run a mile (no stopping)- This one needs explaining: Although I do work out- I never run.
-Learn to play a song on the guitar
-Introduce myself to a stranger- Many drunken nights have taken care of this one.
-Buy a car
-Save a thousand dollars
-Take a road-trip
-Sleep on a beach
-Have sex in an awkward place (elevator, plane, etc.)
-Try a red-headed slut (drink)-Yay! Taken care of when I went to Cali last spring.
-Bar-tend
-Write a song
-Write a novel-Im on it!
-Read all of Chuck Palahniuk's books- I only have one left to read; Rant.
- 4 point a college semester
-Have something published
-Open mic night comedy
-Join an improv troupe
-Master Guitar Hero- This will never happen.
-Build something of significance- I believe, if our film turns out to be amazing after 48/5 then I'll count that as significant- at least significant in my life.
-Get my tattoo
-Paint- Done, and keeps getting done.
-Photograph something beautiful- Again, done!
-Hold my breath for 3 minutes under water
-Jump in a pile of leaves
-Jump off a bridge into a lake
-Stand on top of a mountain and scream as loud as I can for as long as I can

-Get through all of the comedies and tragedies of Shakespeare (and no, I don't mean just the ones that have been made into movies)

-Live in NY

-Live in LA

-Live in Chi-town

(All before I marry, and before I turn 32)

-Learn how to change oil on a car

-Skinny dip in the ocean

- Go to a movie alone

Vampires are so in right now

I know this is so cheesy- but I want a set of these- and I'd want to keep one and give the other to my sweetheart (wherever, and whoever, he might be).

Check it out.

Don't pick your nose in public, even worse, don't eat it.

I was in Starbucks today, grabbing my favorite drink (Grande non-fat white peppermint mocha), when I saw a very attractive barista behind the counter.  I did a double take to look back at him, only to catch him doing something extremely disgusting.  You'll never guess.  Okay, I'll just tell you.  I caught him picking his nose, and then eating it!  I have to admit, I laughed out loud.  People need to be more careful with things like that; you never know who's watching.

After Starbucks I proceeded to the Barnes and Nobles across the street to check out some books.  While there, I ran into creeper, Summer Fling.  That's right, this will be the 3rd time running into him in the past 7 days.  We don't have any of the same classes, our majors aren't even close, we live on opposite sides of East Lansing, why is it I keep running into him?  It's a bit bothersome.

I believe tonight will be spent marathoning in the library, something I haven't done in quite some time.

Infinite XOs

-EB

Obsession.

Due to the fact that I'm working tonight, and I feel as though it will be a long one, I'm going to blog.

Here I go:

I'm gonna try something new, which will probably help focus my writing a bit more, which, we can all admit, I could use a little help with that from time to time.  One Minute Writer so kindly offers prompts to write about.  Today's is 'What bad habit would you like to change?'

If I could change any of my bad habits the one I most likely would change would have to be how I obsess about things.  I'm going to try my hardest to not make myself sound like a crazy person here, but I tend to get overly stressed about things, leading to a bit of obsession.  It varies from situation to situation, but whenever something upsets me, or something leaves me uneasy, I focus way too much on it, which, in turn, causes even more stress.

I'm very aware of this little quirk I posses, and I will admit, it's one of my biggest vices.  I often find myself pleading with my brain to stop focusing on the small stuff and just relax; think about something else.  It's nearly impossible.  I mean, you read my blog.  You all can tell, I'm sure, how much I do this. Whether it was about Matt from the very very early blogging days (I believe there were at least 20 posts dedicated to that little situation), or if it's about my recent jail experience, which, after it happened, I believe I wrote about it for 2 or 3 weeks.

I also do this when it comes to boys.  No, that is too light a way to put it;  especially when it comes to boys- there, that's better.  I swear, it's not in a creepy way, but more in a 'this is so annoying I can't stop thinking about him' kind of way.  I can even go as far to say that I blame everything with Ex-Boy that happened after the relationship on it.  If it weren't for this stupid little habit, he wouldn't have been in my head so much, and I wouldn't have been so tempted to keep going back, even 6 months later.

Will it ever go away?  Perhaps with time.  If it doesn't go away, will I learn to just count it as background music to my twisted life?  Lets hope so.

Until then, I'm going to go obsess more about Twilight, and the fact that the movie comes out in 3-4 days, depending on where you live.  Get excited!

I'm going to be dead tired.

Today is relaxed...this evening; not so much.  From  5:30-6:45 I have an audition for a film club movie, 7-9 I have a work meeting at Bath and Body Works which happens to coincide with a work meeting from Night Reception (I really don't think I can be in two places at once!), then from 3-7 AM I work night reception.

I have a feeling I'm going to  be DEAD tired tomorrow... just a hunch.

I also found out recently that I get to reprise my roll as a prostitute in one of the film club's member's thesis film.  I just can't wait to stand outside in the wintery weather wearing next to nothing!  (That was sarcasm, my friends.)

Speaking of film club, this is the busiest week for me in relation to it.  I have the audition tonight, the prostitute scene on wednesday, and then this weekend is the 48/5 competition in which I'll be working on that the WHOLE weekend.

I love it, I really do :)

The drunk.

The best place for great writing material is working night reception.  All of the drunken college kids coming into their dorms at 2 AM have the best conversations.  Unfortunately, last night, I was too busy writing the story of Nathaniel Matis that still is yet to receive a name, so I couldn't write down what was said- just believe me, it was probably hilarious.

One funny situation that I do remember from last night-

A guy and his friend, obviously intoxicated came up to me and the other girl working and ask, "So, my roommate is kind of occupied...and uh, we don't know what to do until he's done.."  The girl I was working with and I kind of just looked at each other and laughed.  I told them I didn't really care what they did.  They kind of just stumbled off, laughing.

Gotta love drunk freshmen.

Stalkerisms, This Evening, And Classes!

Sometimes, when I randomly see people I know walking on campus, I feel like such a stalker.  I know that's weird, considering it's pretty much always coincidental, but yeah.  I think it's because I'm a very aware person.  I often realize that a person 20 paces away is someone I know because I tend to focus a lot on how people walk and carry themselves, again, very aware of things; whereas most people probably wouldn't be able to tell it's me until their only 10 paces away.

Today, for example.  I saw a guy from film club riding his bike toward me and I immediately could tell it was him so I waved.  At first, he gave me a look like, "who the fuck is this chick waving at me?"  He finally realized that it was me when he was pretty much already passed me and through me a quick "Hey".

Anywaysssss.

Tonight I have to work night reception.  Lucky for me it's the early shift, 11:30-3 AM.  Not too bad; it could be worse.  One of my close friends is also having a half-birthday party tonight, in which I really wanted to go, but must work hard for the money instead.

Oh and, this just in!

Class schedule for next semester:

Mon:

Intro to Film 10:20-1:10 PM

Intro to English 3:00- 4:50 PM

Marketing personal selling and buying 6-8:50 PM

Tues:

Acting 2- 10:20-12:10 PM

Astronomy 12:40-2:00 PM

Wed:

Intro to Film 10:20-12:10 PM

Intro to English 3:00-4:50 PM

Thurs:

Acting 2- 10:20-12:10 PM

Astronomy 12:40-2:00 PM

Fri:

Intro to Film 10:20-11:10 PM

Not too shabby, huh?

Bookworm!

Thanks to Emma for giving me material for today's post!  She nominated moi as a Proud Bookworm!

Rules are:

Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 46. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The closest book, not the coolest, or the one you think will sound the best. THE CLOSEST.

Here it is, from Libby and Short's Financial Accounting:

"She works full-time for a large CPA firm and has been assigned to do the audit of her friend's business.  Mark Jacobs borrowed $100,000 for a home mortgage from First City National Bank.  The mortgage was granted on normal credit terms.  Mark is the partner in charge of the First City audit."

Real interesting stuff, huh?

As for 5 bloggers:

Melanie@ Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

Jesse@ Jesse's Blog

Lauren@ Think Before You Speak

SO@24 @ Starting over at 24

Calla@ Life Or Something Like It

Accounting and Starbucks

So,  I suck at NaBloPoMo.  I figured I post more than once a day so that makes up for missing yesterday :)

I'm in the library right now, my home, working on an accounting project.  I hate school.  Not really, I just hate business.  I'm so sick of caring about it, because really, who cares about money; as long as you have enough of it to live, and then some, it doesn't really matter.

Anyways, this week has been long, and it's only Wednesday.  Luckily, today was lovely.  I slept in, missed my class, and went and officially changed my major with the University Undergraduate Department.  Then, I went to Starbucks in which I ordered my favorite winter drink, a White Peppermint Mocha.  It was quite delicious.  As commercial as Starbucks is, they make some pretty yummy drinks.  I visited Barnes and Nobles and saw a bunch of books that will be going on my gift list this year.  I also window-shopped.  Thus, a great day was in the making.

Tomorrow I will be signing a lease for next year (we do it so early in East Lansing) with one of my best friends.  I can't wait.  Not that living with the boys is all that  bad, but sometimes you just need girl time.

I'm sorry this isn't more interesting to you all, but this accounting project really is taking most of my focus.

48/5

I finally get a relaxed week from the stress of academics, I took my last midterm today and have a rest for the next week or two.  However, at 3 AM I start my night receptionist job until 7AM, then I have a class at 10:20, then I work at 5 at Bath and Body Works!  Right after B B W I have film club in which we discuss the awesome 48/5 competition.

Basically I could skip all of this except film club and be content :)  

The 48/5 contest is actually really cool.  We get to pick groups as big or as little as we'd like, then we get 48 hours to make a 5 minute short- in which the competition specifies the location, one prop, and one line that must be in the film.  We only get 48 hours to write, film, edit, and finish this film.  It should be kick ass, not to mention, if all goes as planned, I'm on the sweetest team around.

Top 3 films in the competition get entered in the East Lansing Film Festival.

This is one thing I really am super stoked for.

Something I'm not stoked for- waking up at 2 AM to get ready for work.

Goodnight loves- and don't forget to check out Nathanial Matis

Music is my Heroin

Could you ever date someone who didn't like, or listen to, music?

I'm not sure that I could. Although I've gotten behind on keeping up with the latest jams, I still am so passionately in love with all the music I listen to, that I can't imagine someone not listening to it.

For me, music is healing. When I break up with someone, or something doesn't go my way, I turn to it to console me, to help me get through it.

I don't know what I would have done had I not had Bonnie Somerville's 'Winding Road' to get me through my break up with the Ex-Boy. What would I have turned to had I never discover how great Death Cab for Cutie is while walking through campus in the fall?

How is it that I can have a crush on someone who doesn't listen to music, or, dare I say it, doesn't even like music.

Music gets me through my day, and helps me fall asleep at night.

Can you really be compatible with someone who doesn't share, or care to share, a passion with you that you've carried inside of you forever?

It's about that time

After formulating about my character, Nathanial Matis (see post for recall), I decided to start writing his story. Although I originally wanted to write a screenplay, I'd changed my mind and decided to just write a short story, perhaps it would turn into a long story, and perhaps it could go farther than that. I hope to eventually write a screenplay but I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet. My imagination seems to go wild and I can't contain it to something that could be filmed with virtually no budget and the little resources/locations that MSU has to offer.

In lieu of my character and his story I've decided to break it up for you all, so you aren't reading a devastating amount of paragraphs. With that said, I've created a blog solely dedicated to this.

I hope you all read it, comment on it, and provide me with the constructive criticisms I need to make it a brilliant piece of work.

Here it is: The untitled story of certain event that pertain the the character Nathanial Matis.

A Look Back to That Awkward Girl From High School

Last night was a best friend's birthday. Naturally, she had a party to celebrate. For some reason I was extremely nervous for this party. A bunch of people from our High School were going to be there and Tricia was definitely closer to Miss Popular than myself, Miss Invisible/Awkward.

Not to mention that one of the guys is a mutual ex-boyfriend of mine and Tricia's. Another was someone, who in high school, I pretty much despised (he wasn't the friendliest or nicest of people, and he thought very highly of himself). Then there was the best friend of the mutual ex, we'll call him Slaw (I know, it's a weird nickname to give, but it makes sense to me).

Slaw was the ex-fling of an old high school friend that I've pretty much lost touch with. Not only did they almost date, but then, when she was with her very serious boyfriend, she flirted with the idea of ending it all for him, with reason, Slaw is very gentlemanly like, or so his persona gives off. I believe they've lost touch over the past couple of years.

So, I'm getting ready for this party, and I notice, I have a large assortment of creatures in my stomach. I don't think butterflies does it justice, but I think I'll have to go with something like small dinosaurs. I had to stop, look myself over in the mirror, and ask myself, "Why the hell am I so nervous to see people from my past?"

High school was...a strange time for me. I hadn't the faintest idea of who I was, and to be quite honest, I wasn't really anybody. I hadn't let myself open up enough to others, or myself to know the person I am now. Even if the people weren't so horrible to me, I perceived it as such because I was so lost within myself that I underestimated myself to the extreme. In my eyes I was nothing, so why would I have been anything in their eyes?

I wouldn't say college has changed me, but I would say it has helped me discover the person who I really am. You can't change from something to another, if you weren't anything to begin with.

The answer to the question I asked myself, to that dreaded high school girl that stared back at me in the mirror was:

I'm scared because I finally have to show them that I really am a person, not just a frightened zombie, like that of what I was in High School. The fear comes from the fact that they just might hate who I really am, or they might love it, and if they love it, then there's nothing backing my opinion of these people that I've held on so strongly to since middle school. If I'm now showing who I am, whose to say they never were who I thought them to be? This within itself is scary.

Let me just tell you, that all these fears, all these opinions I've held of the people that I barely ever really knew- were completely put at rest when I arrived to that party.

Slaw gave me a huge hug and told me how great I look, one of the guys, a neighbor, shot the shit with me for a while about what we've been up to the past couple years. The one I'd despised gave me props for diffusing a could've-been fight, and I even came to realize what a true loser the mutual ex turned out to be. It didn't help that he was completely wasted and on Zanax and Prozac, all recreationally, of course. It felt good to know that I got somewhere in life, and that looks (pretty much all he had going for him) obviously doesn't always get you somewhere in life.

The party was a great time, and an eye opening experience. I've always had issues putting things that are in the past behind me, but I feel as though this party has finally put the demon that is my high school self, to rest. I can finally go on with life, knowing a little bit more about myself than I had a day before, which, isn't that what college is all about, anyways?

Excuse me

Please, I beg of you, excuse me for that mess of a post last night.

I've become delirious between the hours of 7 PM and 3 AM recently due to the lack of energy and extreme amounts of studying.

I must say though, even though I haven't taken my Accounting exam yet today, I feel completely renewed and relieved! Why, you ask? I, my friends, have just officially changed my major. This is the last week of me being a business major, I will soon be EB- in progress of a BA in English with a Film Studies concentration!

I went through and changed all of my classes for next sememster. It's so...refreshing.

Of course, my business classes this semester still matter...kind of.

The nice thing about an English major at MSU is you get two cognates- so all of my business classes can be used toward my major, filling up one cognate!! The other cognate, you ask? Well that will be theatre of course! I get to do all the things I love (and hate) in one major- yay!


I know you are all so sick of the updates on my academics- and believe me, soon enough I will be posting silly stories of parties past and anctedotes of fun times at film club- but until then- it's off to studying more for the dreaded accounting exam that is to take place in about 49 minutes :(

Ruh Rohhh!

So, I already failed NoBloPoMo by not posting, oops.  However, since I'm still awake and studying, I feel as if this post counts as still being Thursday, so lets pretend that it is :)

I'm in the library with my friend named Lucky- yes I have a friend who's name is legitimately named Lucky!

We're studying for accounting and we are exhausted.  However, we will overcome!

I still have another exam on Monday- econ, which I don't even bother studying for anymore, and then I shall be done with the hell that is my academic life.

I'd just like to take this time to say- the single life is the creeper's life.

I know it's so random, but it's late and I'm tired, so I'm gonna be random.

Back to my comment.

The reason I say this is because when someone is single,  I feel as though they tend to always keep a 'lookout' for that one person.  They start going to places that generally have more attractive people there.  Instead of hitting up Bigby's coffee which has the not so great looking baristas but is closer to my apartment, I'll go to starbucks to oggle the gorgeous barista man, whom is probably gay, with my luck.  I know it's not just me who does this, and if it is, then wow!  I'm creepy.  Not only that though, I feel as though when I meet new people I automatically become interested in who they are, if they're SINGLE, etc. etc.

 

What is it that automatically makes us search so hard, without even meaning to?

Working Hard for the Money!

Hello Kids, please have a seat, and pay attention!

Today's lesson is on Karma.

So, remember how I couldn't find a job, and I really really needed one?  remember how no one would call me back and I was so frustrated.

Then I finally got a job. Night Reception.  This one I'm actually really excited for cause it'll give me tons of time to get homework done and such.

Well, the other day I got another call.  Bath and Body Works.  Any girl knows that a 30% discount at Bath and Body Works is like making out with Jude Law, you can't pass that up!  So, I accepted.

I now have 2 jobs.  This could get stressful, however, the way i've been justifying it is  NR is only at night.  Bath and Body Works will only give me a shift a week until the holidays.  During the holidays NR doesn't work.  Therefore, it kind of balances?  Lets hope I can do this!

It would only happen to me that I  can't get ANY job and then all of the sudden I have two!

November

So, I've decided to to NaBloPoMo, which is basically a challenge to write a blog post (or, knowing me, more) a day.

For the purpose of not driving everyone crazy, I'm going to refrain from talking about the election, or anything politically related... I will say, whatever happens, happens.  We won't be able to change what the results are, so just have faith that whichever candidate wins will do a good job, and take good care of our country.

With that said, today has been a lazy day, and it had no right to be.  I have an exam Thursday, a paper due as well, and an exam Friday.  I should be studying.  I've seem to let my studies go.  It's hard to get back into the gist of things when your classes are completely uninteresting.  I'm meeting with an advisor from the English department on Friday so I'm hoping we can get everything figured out..

Not only has my motivation for school run dry, but I feel completely unmotivated to work on my screenplay as well.  I've deleted all of it except for two scenes.  It has no direction, and I need to figure it out.  I'd like to be able to do a read through with film club in a week.  We'll see if I even make it through this week with all the work I'm neglecting to get done.

And again, I find myself writing about absolutely nothing important...

Some Photos to be Fair

I figured, to be fair, I'll post some photos so you can get a glimpse into my halloween and how crazy me and my friends can be.  In order not to incriminate anyone I'm gonna go SO@24 style, and bar out the eyes.

This one is me and my friend Jody

It was Thursday night, as you can see,

I'm sporting my awesome costume

and she was a greek goddess.

As you can see I have my ticking 

time bomb necklace on and I 

have my detonator ready!

I'm with my lovely friend

Bethany who I was fortunate

enough to get to Halloween

it up with more than once

this past weekend!

I'm pretty sure that a bomb can just 

blow up a pirate, even if they do have 

a sword...  haha, this is Tricia and I,

both of us completely sober.  We just

like to be weird I guess!

Alright I believe two posts in a day, one being pictures should be enough to have wet your appetites.  Now that I figured out how to add stuff like bars to my photos (thank you widgets for mac!)  I'll probably have a lot more photo posts!  Get excited.

Probation.

So, incase you started reading after I wrote about my legal issues, I'll do a little recap.  I was drinking at a football game and got caught by the popo.

Well, I went to court last week, on Wednesday.

For one, let me just say how stupid the state of Michigan is because they're like one of maybe 5 states that has these things called MIPs.  In every other state, if you are caught drinking underage you get a ticket very  similar to a moving violation or parking ticket.  Here, it's considered a misdemeanor, and goes on your record.

The court offered me a  deal (if you can even call it that) in which I complete probation and then my record is wiped  clean.

Can I just tell you all how inconvenient probation is?

It consists of me waking up every morning at 5 AM, and calling a phone number.  If my group number is stated on their little recording thing they have going, then I have to go in between 8 and 9 AM and do a PBT, you might know it as 'blowing'.  

If that's not inconvenient enough, on weekends and holidays, when the court house isn't open, I have to go to the police station that's connected to the court house and actually pay 6 dollars to blow, whereas during the week, in the SAME building, mind you, it costs nothing.

There went 12 bucks this weekend, considering these "random" PBTS were all one after another Halloween weekend- real random.

I don't consider blowing Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, "random".  I would call that continuous, or repetitive.

In addition to doing this little routine everyday for the next 3 months, I also have to take an online test.

Let me just say, As of January 29- I'm going to be getting pretty shitty.

Halloween part 3

So, last night was a lot more fun than Thursday and Friday combined.  It could be that I got so much sleep after going in for my PBT that I was just very well rested, which, in return, gave me patience, or it could just be the company I was keeping.

I ended up going out to a party with the 'normal party crew'.  These are the people I always go out with, some of the first parties attended at state was with them.  They are also the people that I was with when I got the dreaded MIP and arrested, and the people I was with when I had a horrible time Friday night.   It's been bittersweet with them, recently, a bit more bitter.

So, in leu of Friday night I decided it was a good idea to bring my friend Bethany along for the ride.  I met Bethany at AOP and her, my good friend from high school, a bunch of other girls from AOP, and I have all stayed close and a bunch of them actually live together now.  Anyways, I brought her along to this 'one day after halloween costume party'.

It was nice because Bethany also didn't drink with me (although I must say, we pulled it off real well).  She however, was feeling something else if you get my drift, damn hippies ;)

I was excited before we left though for a couple reasons.

1. It's not often I bring people from outside my normal party crew to a party with that crew.

2. There was a huge possibility that Ex Boy would  be there, in which Bethany always heard tons about but never met.

3.  I invited a guy I'm kind of interested in along.

Before you all get excited- the guy didn't end up coming, but no harm, no foul!

We went to the party,  I pretended to be trashed, people thought my energy drink was spiked (yes I've been living off energy drinks to get me through parties), and Bethany and I turned a lame situation/party into a good time.  After about an hour of said fun, we got kind of sick of the scene, and, in spite of the fact that Ex Boy had yet to make an appearance (I knew he probably wouldn't show up until a lot later, like during the wind-down of the party), we left.

We ended up going over to Bethany's friend's house.  Most of the people there were already passed out in hallways or on couches.  The remaining people stayed up and played beer pong.  I failed miserably because I wasn't allowed to drink the beer and the table wasn't standard, it was wayyyyy too short.  We ended the night in the family room with a bunch of passed out people watching the craziest episode of Intervention ever.

Woke up at 7 only to go take a PBT, went back to bed, woke again, and reflected on a fun night!

Eavesdropping.

Normally I wouldn't post twice in such a short period of time, but there seems to be nothing on tv, and nothing to do, so I figured, why not?

Have you ever sat somewhere, like a coffee shop, or bookstore, and just eavesdropped on someone's conversation.  I tend to do this a lot on accident.  It's not that I really care what they're saying, I wouldn't call it nosy, but I would call it people watching.  You can get the best material or inspiration to write about just listening to other people's conversations.

This is because it's real.  It's something substantial because it really happened, or it really was discussed.  This makes it interesting, something that others would want to read.

I recently wrote a screen play, if you remember correctly.  I had a friend read it, and the one scene that he really liked, that he thought was substantial and not just a filler for the rest of the script was the scene I based off of a conversation I heard in one of my classes.

I try to bring with me now, everywhere I go, a piece of scrap paper or a small notebook to jot down things I hear others say, bits and pieces of conversations, or thoughts I have based on other's conversations.

Maybe nothing will come of it, or perhaps, something great will.

Happy Belated Halloween.

I've never really gotten into Halloween.  Last year, both of my costumes were VERY makeshift, you probably wouldn't have been able to tell what I was with the exception of my devil costume, because of the ears.

This year I decided I needed to get into it a little more, and I bought a costume, which you all saw, some posts ago.  In case you didn't know, in college, Halloween is not one night.  If it falls on a weekend, then it's the whole weekend.  If it falls in the middle of a week- then it's the weekend before it and the weekend after it.  People get really into it.  

Thursday night was the first night I went out and rocked the costume.  I ended up going out with a friend from high school (will be my roommate next year!) and her roommates from this year.  There's this club at state called Ski Club, which really should just be called Drinking Club, because they don't actually ski.  You pay 40 dollars dues for the year and you get free alcohol at every party they have.  Considering I can't drink, it was still fun to go to their party.

It was in a house, it was PACKED, and everyone was in crazy costumes.  Now that I can't drink I'm a lot more aware of guys getting close to my body.  At one point I had to tell Borat to back his shit up.

Me:  Excuse me Borat, but I'm a BOMB, and I'm U.S. property, so you might want to back off!

Borat:  Yeah girl, you are a bomb...a bombshell!

*rolls eyes*

Some crazy scientist was all up on my shit and when he finally stopped hovering and asked me to dance, I politely turned him down, poor kid, I don't think anyone would dance with him, he needs to work on his game.

That's halloween for you though.  Everyone is someone else, so it's a new kind of confidence.

Last night, actual halloween, was not as fun as Thursday night.

You see, a couple of my friends like to drink until they've drunk too much, and it just got messy.  It's hard to stand by sober and watch people be drunk fools, so I felt obligated to play mom, which, is no fun.

I ended up leaving early, which still aid me in getting up so early this morning to do a PBT.

Probo the morning after halloween...I could have called that.