The Pres

I have a crush.

And I may or may not be heading in the direction of a relationship.

We need to give this boy a name, so I can obnoxiously refer to all that is him.  I'm thinking Pres, as he is Pres of film club.

So.  Pres broke up with his girlfriend, maybe and maybe not for me.

I haven't done this in so long, I forget how the process of actual dating works...  Someone refresh my memory!!

EDITTTTT:

Scratch all of that.

Really?

Life is very strange.  So I met a new boy.

I've known him... kind of.  He's president of film club.  So I see him every other week, yet we've never talked one on one, nor seen each other outside of actual FC meetings.

On Valentine's Day he made a comment on one of my facebook statuses (facebook is getting so lame, I know) making a joke of V-Day.

Then, last night at the meeting we started talking.  He ended up coming out with the core group of us and we talked the whole time...

He has a girlfriend but it isn't going well.

I'm not going to be that girl to move in on him while he's in a relationship, but there was definitely chemistry there.

Hopes aren't going up though,  I know how this could play out and it could end with him and her being happily or unhappily together, while I've gotten into this really deep crush on a guy who won't ever realllllly leave her.

Shit isn't going down like that.

Contact from Ex-Boy

Why?  Why do they (men, Exes in particular) do this to us (women)?

I'm sitting at my computer, minding my own business, which an away message up.  All of the sudden I get an instant message from, who?  Ex-Boy.

Keep in mind I haven't seen or talked to Ex-Boy since December, and even then it was the first time since September that I had seen him.

I have a theory.

Ex-Boy has yet to find someone (aside from his other ex who he cheated on me with) to be romantically involved with since me.

I propose that he does this to keep me on his little hook.  He doesn't want me to get too attached, yet he still wants that option to be available for the times when he's wanting to get out some sexual tension.

Therefore after seeing me he will wait weeks, if not months, and then, like a slithering snake, sneak up on me, and out of nowhere strike up a conversation.

It's always very relaxed, and usually starts with him poking fun at me in his lame attempts to  be flirtatious.

This time I played it differently.  I was polite, but I stayed focused on what I was doing (studying).  The conversation started to dwindle and he said he had to go (probably to avoid anymore awkward pauses).  That was it.

This is me, finally over all of it.  Lets just hope he doesn't ask to hang out though... I don't think I'm quite that strong yet to say no...

Post Number 200

This is my 200th post.  I almost think it's sad that it took me this long to get here.

I've thought long and hard about what I'd have to say in this post.  And there really isn't much.

I've felt completely uninspired lately and bored with what I write.

There's nothing to it, no literary genius, no noticeable flow.  I need something more, some extreme life experiences that'll hopefully spark something inside me, causing me to write beautiful, poetic pieces.

Until then...

I need a break.

He's my Best Friend

I have a problem.

I can't tell anyone I know about it, either...

I have a crush on my current best male friend.

Yes, he's a film club guy; Yes, he's hilarious; and yes, he treats girls that aren't his friends (the ones he 'dates') like objects.

Obviously he's what I look for in a guy.

The thing that sucks most about it is I know how he is.  I know that if we were to ever hook up, for instance, he would go tell his friends all about it later (I've been present for those day after dish parties, if you will).  I know that he's a complete man whore who thinks solely with his dick.

Are you seeing where the problems lie?  The thing is, he's such a genuine friend, the kind that would do ANYTHING for me at the drop of a hat.

I've known I have a crush on him for a while now... oh I'd say at least for a month if not more.  I just can't bring myself to really admit it... That's why I'm doing it here.

I know if I go dish to any one of my girl friends they'll either A. Tell him when I'm not there, or B. Give me the long laundry list why it would never work, the first reason mainly being the fact that he would NEVER see me that way.

This I know.  Which, of course, poses another problem-  How do I get over it?

The whole distancing thing won't work this time, he's literally one of my best friends and he's a film boy so by doing that I'd be committing social suicide, sentencing myself to a semester of sitting alone in my room doing homework.

Finding another guy would be promising if there happened to be other guys that exist somewhere on this campus that aren't attached, assholes, or gay.

What does a girl do when she falls for her best friend?

Obligatory V-Day Post

I guess it is time for the obligatory Valentine's Day post, huh?

Here's what I got:

I've never had an SO for Valentine's Day.  I've never even had a date for Valentine's Day.  Last year I was dating 'Ex Boy'.  He didn't even talk to me on V-Day.  Not a phone call, not even a text.

Needless to say I'm pretty pessimistic when it comes to this Hallmark Card Holiday.  This year, however, I've decided to treat myself to some goodies.

Goodie Numero Uno:  I bought new shoes.  They are adorable.  Rocket Dog, Converse-style shoes, that have colorful splatter paint on them.

Goodie Numero Dos:  I'm getting my hair done.  I had gotten it dyed dark and then red highlights throughout it a little over a month ago, and it has faded quite a  bit.  Therefore I'm getting the red redone :)  Perfect for this sad day we call a Holiday.

Also, I plan on hanging out with all of my single friends tonight (tomorrow night).  There will be drinks involved.  Lets just hope there's someone to make out with sloppily.

That's the plan.

Enjoy another look into my life!

Our film for the Spring 48/5 competition as part of the East Lansing Film Festival.

Required Elements-

Genre: Drama

Location: Bowling Ally

Prop: Remote Control

Line of Dialogue: "You're running out of gas"

Yet Another 48/5

Did I say that this weekend was going to be fun? I'm sorry to have mislead you.  I meant it was going to be stressful, and it has been.

Lets start with yesterday:

48/5 begins at 6.  The elements are as followed:

Prop:  Remote control

Location: Bowling Ally

Line of Dialogue: "You're running out of gas"

 We all meet for our collaboration dinner over drinks, cigs, and food.  We talked for about 3 hours and came up with the perfect idea that everyone agreed on.  At the very end of the meeting a person throws out a new idea, and last minute, without any prep or development they decide to use it.  Fuck.

A couple of us go back to BJ-M's place to write the script around 9 PM.  We decide, since it was so sudden, to write both ideas.  We end up writing 5 scripts.  Around midnight we get into deep conversation about our first idea that we had at the collaboration meeting.  Sounds like we're going to use it.  Then we read the second script idea that they came up with last minute- they decide to use it.

The kid who wrote it leaves and we all start talking about the script.  We decide to go back to the first idea.  It's now about 1:45 AM.  There are some issues, so they think, with the script.  We re-write it.  It's now 3 AM.  The guys aren't happy with it.

This is where EB gets crabby from being up until 3:30 AM and decides to say 'fuck it' and leaves.

I go home, knowing I need to be up at 8 AM to meet at the bowling ally to film.  Set my alarm.

I wake up and it's bright outside- look at my phone and it's turned off!  It was 11:30 AM and I had about 10 missed calls/texts.

Run to the  bowling ally only to find out that they wrote a completely new script.  Good stuff.  

Everyone was stressed, exhausted, but filming went great.

Now I'm at work, knowing I need to be up early again tomorrow to complete our 48/5...

Lets just hope we are rewarded in the end, if not with a 1st place prize, then at least with the fact that we beat out the two professional production companies that entered the competition.

A Fun Weekend to Come

I'm feeling a bit better.  Exhausted, but better.

I've been trying to work as much as possible, although I did miss two of my scheduled shifts this week due to school and exhaustion.

My logic is if I work and make enough money, I can start to distance myself from my parents wallet, hopefully proving to them that I can manage my finances enough to take a loan.

Lets hope it works!

In other news, another 48/5 is taking place this weekend and I am hoping Fight Song Films (my production team) kicks some ass in order to hold our winning title.  Last time we beat out two of Michigan's production companies (prior to the talk of them building a huge one in Pontiac).  One of them placed second, and the other took third.  We've found out through the help of facebook that for this 48/5 they've decided to combine powers.

I have a keen feeling that it will work against them, and in favor of us... at least, I hope.

Since I'm working another double at work tonight (11:30 PM to 7 AM) I intend on sleeping ALL day tomorrow until 6 PM when the competition starts.  Then it is work, work, work, all weekend long.

I guess there is some good in the Winter season, huh?

Seasonal Craziness

It's about that time of the season where I've had enough.  The cold is so annoying, I just want it to be warm.

I've had enough of the weather, enough of fighting with my parents, enough of school, everything is just ENOUGH!

I know it's seasonal, and I know once it warms up everything will seem to suddenly get better, but right now I just feel really out of control.

I have so much to get done- but then I feel like I have nothing to get done all the same.

-Read for Astronomy

-Read for film

-Watch movie for film

-work on my theater scene

-Read shakespeare (ugh) for English

I'm SO FRUSTRATEDDDD.