It Has Been Way Too Long!

My last update was 1/20/09.  That was 11 days ago.  It feels like it has been a year.

Really, I don't have a great excuse for not updating.  I mean, I have been pretty busy trying to keep up with all my reading and homework for school.  Then there has been auditions, and film club, among other things.

Probably the greatest consumption of time has been fighting back and forth with my parents.  Why, you ask?  Three reasons.  These three reasons, however, combine nicely to form one main reason.

I'll start from the beginning.

My parents have always said that they want me to study abroad.  They wanted me to go for a whole semester because that way the cost would be equal to what it would cost me to study at MSU a semester, with no real additional cost (maybe like 200 dollars more, total).  After joining film club, and meeting BJ-M, I learned about a study abroad program that is perfect for me.  Basically, it's 6 weeks over the summer in London.  The program is called 'Film in Britain' and it consists of 9 credit hours (more if I'd like) and making my own film, pre-production to post-production.  There isn't another study abroad like it,  because it was created with the intent to cater directly to my major.

I told my parents about the program and they, obviously, wanted more information on it, cost, etc.  So, I sent them a heartfelt letter about how much I wanted to go and why, also including all of the finance information.  The program is expensive, I'm not going to lie.  It would be about 8,000 dollar more than it would cost for me to just take classes at MSU over the summer.

My parents said no to the program, after already letting me apply.  I understand completely that my parents can't afford it right now, however I really really want to go on this program.

I then asked my parents if I could take out a loan to finance the Study Abroad.  A note I should make is that my parents pay for everything for me- food, rent, utilities, tuition, everything (they never let me get a credit card or take loans out to pay for anything).  They said no to the loan.

This is where I get really upset.  I understand them not paying for it, but I don't get how they won't let me pay for it.  Most normal students have taken out at least one loan.  The worst part is- I'm in this position where I can't even take one out on my own without them cosigning.  My parents won't give me their financial information to fill out a FAFSA (document needed to get loans w/out a cosigner), and they won't cosign, plus I have no credit to apply on my own because they never let me build credit.

This leads me into reason 2 why we are fighting.  My parents never thought about the fact that their financial situation or the economy could change in the future.  So as I was young, and my brother was growing up, he got a lot that I never got.  For example, my parents financed two cars for him, out of state tuition, a 15,000 dollar study abroad program when he was in High School, study abroad when he was in college, and only a year ago they cosigned a 50,000 dollar loan for his graduate school.

What pisses me off the most out of all of those things is the loan.  They can trust my brother to pay back 50,000 dollars, yet they don't trust me to pay off a fraction of that.

I have a job.  I wouldn't even need to defer payments- I could start paying the interest now.  But no, my parents don't have that much faith in me, I guess.

The third reason is part of the second, in the fact that my car, Betty, is a total piece of shit.  She broke down on me in the middle of a main road the other day, and my parents weren't the least built helpful.  They payed for a car for my brother, then, when he sold it, put some more money into another car for him.  Yet my car, a hand-me-down from my grandma, keeps breaking down, and they aren't doing anything about it.

I may sound really ungrateful for all that my parents gave me, but I don't want you to think that.  I'm so grateful for everything my parents have given me in life, however, by giving me so much, they've debilitated me, in a way.  I'm so financially dependent on them because of it, that I can't even take out a freakin' loan on my own, whereas most students, who've had credit cards and such, could just get one without a cosigner based on their credit.

I have more to say on the subject, but this is long...

To be continued...

Party Hardy

The other day I was in an unhappy place- but I'm much better now :)

Yesterday was my last day of doing PBT's- so naturally after I took my last one I went over to BJ-M's place and we got our party on.  All my friends came- and it was a blast...what I remember of it haha.

Basically I started drinking at 2 in the afternoon- the boys pegged me to be passed out by 6 PM but I told them I could make it until 9!  I killed a 5th of Captains, a 4 shot white russian, a 6 pack of beer, and a couple games of beer pong...and I made it past 9- hell, I made it to 3 AM!!! How? I have no clue- however I am told that I took a 45 minute power nap haha.

I'm just so glad to be done with the whole thing.  Now I have to make it through Friday then off to Canada I go to party it up for a girls night!

I can't wait!

A Shitty Day

Today is not a fun day.

For one, today is Ex-Boy's birthday.  For those of you that remember that far back, a year ago today Ex-Boy and I started officially dating.  I hate looking back now on how all of that turned out.  It makes me feel ill.

Also, last night was a premise for my bitterness today.

The story goes, BJ-M, one of my really good film friends that treats me like 'just one of the guys', and I have hung out a LOT over break.  Tons.  Well school has started again and nothing has changed.  Before, I used to think that BJ-M and I would inevitably hook up.  It was bound to happen.  Then new years came and he hooked up with a friend of mine, which was totally fine and it made me realize that I wouldn't want to hook up with him because it would make things weird between us, and our friendship is too awesome for that.

Well two nights ago, the inevitable did, in fact, happen.  We were drunk, and we made out.  Yesterday morning when I woke up lying next to him I was kind of worried about it- then he woke up and NOTHING was awkward- it was fine!  Yes! I thought.

Noooo.  It's bad.  Last night one of the other actresses BJ-M uses in his films (he directed A Little Change) came over there and was partying with us.

I 've known from the beginning that BJ-M is a man whore- I'm okay with that- but they hooked up...and she has a boyfriend.

I guess what bothers me more than the fact that I made out with him the other night and then he fucked another girl the next night is the fact that he fucked a girl with a boyfriend.

I've been cheated on by Ex-Boy and it's not fun.  To be an accessory to that, in my opinion, is just as bad as actually cheating.

I guess I just lost a lot of respect for him there.  And it has been boiling in my thoughts all day.  That on top of the anniversary of mine and Ex-Boy's relationship just makes today suck a little bit more...

Sooo Tired.

Oh man.  I'm at work, and it's pointless.  You see, my job entails me to 'check students in' at the dorms at night.  Well, tonight they have me working a door for the sole purpose of telling the people that come to said door to go around to a different door.  Not to mention they have another girl working the same door as me.  I don't think it takes two people to tell students to go to a different door.

Needless to say, I'm sooo tired, and it is freezing-fucking-cold in Michigan, which makes me MORE tired.  By freezing, I mean, like, -5 degrees outside.

Tomorrow, aside from going to my one class, the only other time I plan on leaving my warm and toasty apartment is to- A. go to a callback audition, and B.  Come to work... again :(  BOOOOO.

Let me just say that Saturday is going to be dedicated to sleeping...ALL DAY LONG.

The one other thing I really hope doesn't happen, is I hope to god that I don't have to go and do a PBT in the morning.  How much would that suck to wake up and have to go out in -4 degree weather (with a windchill making it -25 degrees) to go blow- when, clearly, I'm not drinking.

I'm so relieve that in 4 days the whole blowing shit will be OVER!!!!

Until then, I must try to stay alive at work- NO SLEEPING, EB!!!

Just in case

For those of you who missed out the first time, and because I'm being nostalgic:

Here is the film we made for the 48/5 film competition (which one first place, and an entry into the East Lansing Film Festival)

ENJOY!!!

A Day in the Life

Well I am obviously back to work, since normally I wouldn't be posting at 1:30 AM when I have a 10:20 class in the morning.

Today I've got a lot done.

It was the first day of classes, so in addition to attending all of them I started up my fight for the Michigan filming incentive.  I must say it's going well.  The facebook group really picked up, my article got published in my Universities newspaper, and I've been in contact with a number of other newspapers in Michigan.  The work is not even close to being done though.

In happier, lighter, younger news, I'm off probation, in officially, 6 Days 7 hours and 20 minutes.  YAY!  Since this day happens to fall on MLK jr. Day, my friend BJ-M is throwing me a 'MLK-Danielle is off Probo Day' Party.

Should be fun, however I don't plan on remembering it ;)

I had started this semester off with 17 credits.  Then I decided to drop a class, and go down to 14 credits.  However, today I just found out that BJ-M is in the class I just dropped, so now I need to try to get back in it because, well, how could I turn down the opportunity to have that much fun in a class with BJ-M?!

I'm so tired.  Only an hour and 50 minutes until I'm done!!

Whoa!

Wow! All of the sudden I feel stressed and classes haven't even started yet! Here's what's going on:

1. I'm off probation in 8 days- yup a week from tomorrow, I'll be free!!!

2. I'm starting a state-wide, student coalition to save the Michigan Filming Incentive which is going to be taking up a LOT of my time, effort, and energy, but it's all for a good cause!

3. Classes start tomorrow- I'm signed up for 17 credits... I think I'm going to be dropping a class.

4. I love my friends. This break has been amazing all due to people like BJ-M, FA, NNBoy, Lauren, Beth, Tricia, Roomies A-B-and C, and CS.

Now and Then.

When I was in high school I never had a solid group of friends. I kind of was a nomad- traveling between different groups. Aside from Ex-Friend, whom I've never talked about (it's a long story which I'll post about a different day), every year I had different friends that I'd hang out with. Ex-Friend would come along for th trip, also changing her friends each year. I don't know why this is, if I had to guess it's because I didn't know who I was, thus I didn't quite know where I fit or what kind of friends I wanted.

It's weird looking back on that time because I'm in such a different place now; a better place. I have a real solid group of friends, in whom I love to spend time with, I've been so busy over break, which isn't normal considering breaks for me are usually pretty boring, and I had, probably, the best New Years Eve/ New Years ever.

It's nice to look back and realize, for now at least, that you've found yourself.

It's refreshing.

Update on the Abs

Day 5 of 8 minute abs.

My midsection has never been so sore in my life.


Lost 3 pounds though! Zumba tomorrow :)

Waiting

I recently auditioned for a short film that had a concept that really stuck with me. In a scene from the screenplay a man is talking about how he was always waiting around for stuff to happen. He waited for everything, and felt as though he spent most of his life waiting. He finally decided to stop waiting and take control of his life.

When you really think about it, it's so true. We do, in fact, spend most of our lives waiting. Whether it's waiting in line, waiting for your food at a restaurant, waiting at a traffic light, waiting for a certain movie to come out- we spend a lot of time doing something that is pretty boring.

Personally, I'm so sick of waiting around for things to happen. Waiting for life to take place. Yet, how do you change? How do you stop all this waiting and take over your life? How do you make things happen for yourself?

If anyone has the answer, please, let me know.

Fresh

It blows my mind how fast time passes. Only a few days ago it was last year. I have to say, I'm feeling really good. I have a lot of resolutions this year, some of which will be a lot harder to keep, but I'm going to try. So far, so good.

For instance, one of my resolutions is to do 8 minute abs every day. Why not, right? It only takes 8 minutes out of my day and I feel great after I do them. That one is going really well, especially since I put it into my daily routine already.

One that I think will be difficult, however I have more help with this semester is doing better in school. This one is hard because the difficulty of it isn't that of doing abs each day. It challenges me mentally, socially, emotionally, and sleep-wise; physically. However, this year I started a new ADD medicine [who knew that, I, probably the most scatter brained person on blogger is ADD?! I only have been diagnosed for 4 years now ;) ] Unlike my old ADD medicine, this one is a stimulant- the real deal, and it has helped so much so far. So I'm hoping the motivation keeps up as long as I keep up on taking my meds.

Then there are the resolutions I'm not telling people. Those ones are more about feeding my soul, and perhaps, I'll share them when I feel more comfortable with them.


I'm just happy this year has started stress-free and in good health (no more being sick for months at a time!).

I hope everyone else gets their freshest of fresh starts this year as well.

Cheers!

The Characters

I can see that it could be hard to keep up with all of these characters in my life, so I figured I'd give a little synopsis of each in a post. Sorry it's such a cop out post but that's what you get only a couple days after New Years, I mean, I'm STILL trying to recover ;)

Family:

Mom- Obviously, she birthed me 20 some years ago.

Dad- He helped.

B-Phil- This is my brother. He lives in London, and we never really got along well until recently.

Penny- My puppy. I bought her last year and she now lives with my mom- no 'i told you so's' please.

Friends/Boys/everyone else:

BJ-M: He's a film club friend. He hosted the NYE party this year. We joke around a lot and he's an awesome guy- I constantly joke and say that it's inevitable that we will make out eventually (it's more true, however, than not).

Ex-Boy: My ex-boyfriend. We dated for 8 months and he ended up cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. We still hooked up a couple of times after the break up, but usually we go about 2 or 3 months without seeing or speaking to each other before that happens. It's the comfort thing I guess.

FA: Another boy from film club. We met while filming for something and ended up going on a 3 hour walk and talking forever. I had a crush on him, but now it's just turned into something silly where I'm obsessed with his abs and we make out drunkenly on occasion. There is something about him though...I just can't put my finger on it.

The Let Down: He was a former best friend. We were ridiculously close and it came to be that way ridiculously fast in the short period of time we knew each other. There were definitely other feelings there but not admittedly. We ended our friendship and hadn't talked for over a year- just recently we sat down and talked. We ended on good terms however I believe it was more of closure than rekindling our friendship- its kind of sad.

Neighbor Boy: The first neighbor I met and happened to have a fling with. It all happened quite quick- the first night I met him we made out in a pool and I woke up the next day in his apartment if that says anything. It lasted maybe 3 weeks before I came to my senses and admitted he was completely too trashy for me.

NNBoy: The second neighbor I met. He lives across the hall from me and I was a little more careful with not rushing into things. That being said, I don't think waiting 4 days was long enough. We still see each other... I think. I'm not really sure what kind of terms we are on right now. It's been a week or two since we've last hooked up- I'm okay with that.

Summer Fling: A guy I met the summer before going to school. We dated for two months long distance. Didn't see each other for the school year once we broke up, but this year we had a really random make out session and occasionally chat on iChat.

People I talk about but aren't under labels:

Lauren: My best friend who lives at home. She's like my other half.

Beth: Her and I are like the same person. Very silly- she's just more of a hippie than I am.

Tricia: One of my best friends from high school who goes to state. Roomies next year.

SM: A friend of Lauren's that I'm just starting to hang out with. She came up for new years and had a great time!

Roomie A: Roommate who is a good friend, also happens to be gay. Met him last year.

Roomie B: Roomie I don't really get along with well. Has a huge movie collection- met him through Roomie A

Roomie C: My favorite. He's adorable and cooks- we get along pretty well.

Koz: A friend I met when I did a second city summer program. He is hillarious. A good guy friend of mine that I don't see nearly as often as I'd like to.

CS: Costar from the 48/5 film. We made out in nearly every room of BJ-M's house. Kissed on new years. We're just friends and we all have fun together.

A New Year

New Years Eve/ New Years...

A film club friend, we'll call him BJ-M, decided, after much applied pressure from me, to throw a New Years party.

The whole day of NYE was spent drinking.  My friend, Beth, came over and we drank Mimosas, cranberry and vodka, bacardi and lemonade, and more.  We maintained a constant buzz all day as we prepared for the night.  Another friend, SM, came up from home.

We went over to BJ-M's place around 6:30.  I was pretty drunk by 8.  We left for an hour to attend another party, and returned by 9:30.  We all drunkenly watched the ball drop and then danced and sang (read: screamed) to music blaring from BJ-M's Bose speakers.

Next thing I know, I'm full on making out with FA (remember him?).  We are standing, making out in the center of all of these people dancing and singing to random music.  We make our way to a not-so-private chair in the corner of the room.  Lets just put it this way- things got heated, perhaps a little too heated for public.  Can't say I didn't enjoy it- but it is now the new year.

New years brings new resolutions.  I've thought this over.  I have some good ones.  I feel as if I say them out loud, though, I'll never actually succeed.  So for now, I'm leaving them to myself.  Lets just say, though, they don't involve random make outs in public- nor do they involve going over to NNBoy's to "watch a movie".

Time to clean up my act.

With that said, New Years this year, was probably the best party I've ever been to.

Not to mention both of my friends were total vixens, both bringing in the new year with new men.

Way to go girls.