My Best.

Stephanie, one of my tightest friends from back home, is coming to State this weekend! I'm super stoked. I really would just like it to be 8:30 already so she can be here and the fun can get started!! We're going over to my friend Brian's, so it should be a good time.

Last night was pretty fucked up. I went to 'fiesta thursday' and drank beer, tequila, and jager... not a good mix. I ended up going to taco bell too, which I don't even remember how that came about- but we went, got a quesadilla haha. My body is regretting all of last night haha. Lets chalk it up to "I'm a dumbass".

I can't wait for this semester to be over. It's so close to being done. Not to mention I only have one final during the actual finals week, and it's at 10 AM on Monday morning- I have to work monday night, but I'll be out of here by tuesday :)

Aghhh...I need motrin :(

Give Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving all!!! It's my favorite day of the year. I woke up to turkey smells. It's the best. The baby was born yesterday at 6:15 AM. He's beautiful. His name's Hayden Lane Telfer. 8 lbs., 20 inches long. Beautiful green eyes. I got to hold him. He's just precious. Today will be spent relaxing, maybe actually working on a paper, or two. Then getting ready for the family to arrive.




I'm thankful for my beautiful family today, and everyday.

"Franny and Zooey" by: JD Salinger

I love being home, yet I hate it. I get to see Loren and Jesse, that's the good part. There's the chance that I'll run into him, that's the bad part. Loren and I went to Meijers tonight really late. It reminded me of this past summer, when Meijer after work was a usual thing. The only thing I could think of being there tonight was what if you happened to be there. I wouldn't even be able to speak to you, let alone look at you twice. I'd just have to walk away. You still have my book. I want it back. I don't even want to see you, but I want my fucking book back. I swear I even saw you. Guilty. I was looking. I wanted to see you so bad so I could look away, so you would know how badly you fucked up. So you would know we really aren't ever going to be friends again. I want to hurt you. I want you to realize what you gave up. Mostly I just want my fucking book back. As soon as I get that fucking book back you will be behind me. I'll burn your letters, your address, delete you out of my phone, and delete you out of my life. Please, just let that book show up in my mailbox, or something. The best present I could get this year is that book. As soon as I have that book, I can put you behind me. There will be nothing holding me to you. Nothing to connect us. Thinking about thanksgiving, I'm so fucking thankful to learn what a coward you were. You were the biggest blessing in my life, because you taught me the biggest lesson I've learned. You taught me what a true friend isn't. You taught me how not to treat others. You taught me never to trust someone you love, unless they're your blood. I have a feeling if we cross paths again I'll have a burning passion within to punch you in the face, but I know what I need to do. I know that if we do cross paths I must turn the other way. Not even leaving you with a smile. It's time to forget. It's time to move on. Just please, I want that book. As soon as that book enters my life again, you'll be out of it...and I can't fucking wait.

yeah.

I miss this. I hope this past summer wasn't the end, because I can't give it up that easily.

Just needed to get that out.


My cousin, Dan, and his wife, Tasha, are having a baby!! She is a little less than a week late and she's in labor!!! I'm so excited. A thanksgiving baby :) I have to go sign the lease for my apartment for next year, and then I'm rushing home to wait to go see Hayden Lane Telfer! It's a boy! I don't even know how to explain my excitement!

I've changed so much this past year. I never liked kids, or babies. Now, I can't wait to hold him! How weird is it how you can change and not even notice it?


weird huh?

Over

"Over"

Holding on to a ghost, unable to release it
He's kicking and screaming, throwing things, running in circles, he's screaming
She's a wall, red brick, no texture, just a wall
A vase full of glass flowers, falling from a skyscraper
The glass scatters and shatters, making an unbearable crashing sound
Who's going to sweep up the pieces? (She will) Who's going to bury the glass? (She will)
Who's going to get the fuck over it? (She won't)
But she will...for it's now over
And the sad song of the glass ends
And she walks away from its new grave
(No turning back)
And she walks away from its new grave
The wind continues to blow, full force

Birth <---> Death

Last night, before I went to bed, I was talking to my mother on the phone. My cousin, Tasha, is having a baby. She's due any day now, and we were talking about if I'm going to be able to get work off or not. We decided that if I asked today at work about it, they'll probably let me go home if she happens to go into labor this weekend, so I wouldn't have to work my sunday shift. Well, a couple hours after our phone conversation I went to sleep. The phone conversation must have been in my sub conscious because I dreamt that I had to skip work, however, not for a baby, but rather for a death. Not only was it one death, but two deaths. The first was my step-aunt, Sheryl. I rarely ever see her, and we aren't close by any means. The other death was less clear. I know it was a grandparent of some sort, and I know it was on my mom's side, but I just don't know if it was my grandma (who is still living, and whom I really don't think it was) or if it was my grandpa (who is already dead, so it wouldn't make much sense). The whole thing kind of scared me. Now I'm kind of on edge every time my phone rings...



On a completely unrelated note, I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving! I know I've been blogging about this a lot, but it is honestly my favorite holiday. Super stoked.

You know what I haven't written in a while...poetry. I miss it.

"Friday Shift"

Vinyl on metal
chipped paint everywhere
Constant vibrations of treadmills
Running, running
Lifting (too much) lifting
House of power


That is dedicated to this gym job I do every friday, that keeps me writing.

hmm.

Calling people and asking for money is like being in a dead end relationship. It's great for a while when you first start getting pledges. Then you get more and more upset when people say no. And then, after a while, you just don't give a fuck anymore. And you put more focus on your word searches than your calls.


Hah.

Fuck telemarketing.

With that said, Thanksgiving is almost here! My favorite holiday. It's the one holiday where my whole family gets together, and for once, instead of being the loud, crazy, insane, annoying jewish family that we are, we relax and look at what we really have. A loving group of people that can sit and talk and eat pumpkin pie, knowing that most of these people are always there for us when we need them. I love it. Waking up that morning and going downstairs to see how pretty the dining room table is, gives me an amazing feeling. Then I flick on the parade and wait for my Aunt Ciel to get to my house. Then her, my mom, and I make the turkey and stuffing together. Take a late afternoon nap, then wake up around 6 to get ready for the family.

It's going to be an amazing break from school. I love it here on campus. But the lifestyle gets so repetitive. I need a change of scenery every once in a while :)

P.S.

In addition to the 'Fucker' post. I found out shortly after he told me we couldn't be friends anymore, that he married his alcoholic girlfriend. I'm talking about two 26 year-olds, who both live with their parents. One of them works as a waiter while the other sits on her ass drinking with money from the other. Yeah, I got a little drunk and texted him. I told him we aren't friends anymore, have a good fucking life. His reply? 'Okie dokie, thanks you too," with another text saying, "If it makes you feel any better, no one came to the ceremony, it was at the court house...". It took me a while to realize what he meant by that. Then I was just sitting there, and it hit me. He married her. It makes so much more sense as to why he wanted to end the friendship. I just can't believe he wouldn't tell me. How long ago was it? When did it happen? It honestly, really does hurt. We were really good friends. All that bullshit he told my mom, how I'm one of his close friends, and one that he wouldn't want to lose. How I'm such a great person..all bullshit? It just leaves so many unanswered questions. It's saddening... having your heart broken, by the first person you ever loved.



I don't think I could handle seeing him. I think i'd want to kill him.

Fucker.

Tonight was interesting. It was a good night until about midnight-12:30ish. I was the one who was pretty adamant about waiting for him to talk to me. But low and behold I called him...to find out that he doesn't want to be my friend because I put too much "pressure" on him. Night ended in tears, then it started again with rice kitchen and sixteen candles. My roommate really cheered me up. I'm still feeling a bit down though. Tomorrow is declared mental health day for Danielle. Only going to one of my classes and the rest of the day will be spent sleeping and relaxing and forgetting he ever existed. Now the song I'm listening to is making me depressed again. Poop.