I think I like, maybe even love the place I am at with Ex-Boy right now. Please don't think I'm saying I love him, because that would be pushing it WAYYY too far. No. I love the place I'm at with him.
It's like playing house without any titles attached is it's own silent title. Almost as if not having that BF/GF label makes us our own thing.
I'm not about to stop flirting with whatever comes along, but I'm pretty sure I won't be hooking up with anyone else. And by the way he's acting, I think the same goes for him.
For example: This may get a little risque, and I'll allow it, only because of my lack of sleep. He was in the process of removing my bra, which he happened to be sucking at. I said to him, "Wow! Someone has lost their game," in a joking tone of course, and he responds with, "I'm sorry, but the last person who's bra I removed was yours, the other night, and back in September!"
He didn't have to say that- but it's like he's been trying to make this point that I'm the only one he's been with. I'm sure he's doing this because of the cheating incident, but either way.
I feel like we are on the same page.
My good friend, lets call her Irene, made a GREAT point the other day when we last chatted about the situation, before it got as juicy as it is (another post to come about that).
She pointed out that I will be gone for the whole summer. I will not only be across both sides of the country at times, but even across the Atlantic, for quite a while. Ex-boy couldn't even be faithful to me when I was right in front of him, let alone in Europe.
It would be reckless of me to try to be in a real relationship with him now, knowing that I'm leaving in something short of two months.
Yet, I like what we have, and our new little dynamic that has popped up with his alleged change.
So I've decided. I'm going to keep things exactly as they are. If he decides a little ways or a long ways down the road that he wants to revert to his old ways, and ditch me again, that's fine, I'll be gone all summer. If not, then you know what? He'll just have to wait for the real deal for when I get back.
For once I feel good about this. I feel like this is me going with my gut and not based on what my heart wishes the happy ending would be or what my skeptical friends all think.
It's that perfect mix of my head and my heart and my stomach working together, feeding me the next step to take.
In this case, there is no step. I'll stay planted, and enjoy the new found balance.
1 comment:
Sounds like you're keeping your guard up at least a little and I do think that's a good thing. I agree with Irene - his track record isn't so great. But, if you guys have something that works for you; well all the power to you!
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