Today I spent a total of 9 hours studying for Macroeconomics- the worst part, I feel like I know less than I did before I started. My life is the biggest distraction in the way of school right now. If it weren't for these silly decisions I make when I have a moment of weakness, or when I'm drinking for that fact, I think I'd be better off.
Lets start from the beginning because I've always been very vague about it.
1. I dated a boy last year. On and off for about seven months. It started welcome week as one of those "I don't even know how this happened, I was so drunk" kind of things. It was my freshman year of college, so of course I went into it looking for no strings. I wanted to be clear and free of attachment and just go with the flow and have fun. The 'flow' of alcohol led me to, lets call him Fred. It was working so well...until the next morning when he kissed me hello. I was hoping and praying for a normal awkward next morning 'oh hey...' but instead I started dating him. Well it went on and off until december when we finally became official. Let me tell you- the most confusing couple months of my life thus far. Also let me note- boys don't understand that there's a difference between 'dating' and 'being in a relationship' Oh well though. I digress.
2. Everything was peachy while we were dating until I found out, from the source, that he was cheating on me. Way to go Fred. Not only was this oh so disappointing, but it only made it worse that I wasn't looking for anything when we started off! After breaking up, then hooking up twice more before I decided I really couldn't talk to him anymore, I finally 'threw him away' for good. School ended, I went home, thought about him pretty frequently, but other than that- I was done. Completely.
3. I met a new boy. We'll call him Miles. Miles was the perfect distraction. He loved wakeboarding (my only true passion aside from being lazy) He loved being out doors. And he ended up loving my best friend...I sure know how to pick my crushes. Anyways- before all of this best friend nonsense happened- I was hanging out with Miles constantly. I saw Fred was on iChat one afternoon, and because I was so infatuated with Miles I felt that I was truly over Fred. Victory! Or not. So I invited Fred wakeboarding. Everything went well. We all hung out and we all got along, and I was finally okay being friends with Fred with no strings- no weird feelings. This is important because at school we have all the same friends (no good).
4. One sunday night when Fred is still in our hometown (no, I didn't know him from before college- it just turned out that way) we decided to hang out and grab some ice cream. I brought Penny, my adorable Penny, whom I don't blog enough about, and we had a dandy, FRIENDS ONLY time at the local DQ. Fred suggested we moved it to his house where his dog and the Pennster could frolic and play. I agreed- as any FRIEND would do, and we popped a movie in. Everything was A-ok. We decided to watch a second movie. Half way through it Fred taps me on the shoulder and suggests we cuddled. WHOA WHOA WHOA. PAUSE. That's right- he decided that after being friends again for a whole week he would make a move on me. Of course- knowing me- I melted like butter on a hot texas day.
5. Long story short (too late) He ditched me two days later when he was supposed to come wakeboardng. Well I was done, yet again. Saw him at a party and finally confronted him, telling him that what he did made no sense- and kind of a 'leave me alone' plea. I get back up to school this fall. I saw him- I went home with him- he tells me all the things I want to hear that I know are lies- and I melt again.
Now here I am. Left here to go over everything he said- every move he made. Knowing it was all lies. Knowing boys will do or say anything for a little action.
The only reason I tell this long and boring story is because it's the biggest distraction in my life right now. While at the library today I finally promised myself (I never keep promises to myself, it's impossible) I'd be done. I'd stop drunkenly calling and texting him. I'd leave it be. I'd forget. And the next time we are both drunk in the same room I'll walk the other way.
The best present I can give to myself right now is a break from every and all boys, men, anything with a penis really. Without all that happening I bet I'd be able to get through a day without thinking of my shoulda, coulda, woulda moments with Fred.
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