I Hope I Won't Regret This: Part 3

Well.  The Let Down and I set plans for today to meet.  After I listened to his voicemail from Part 2 I decided that I really did want to meet up and talk about what had happened.

We met at 3:30 pm at a small hometown restaurant.  It was scary- to say the least.  I haven't seen this guy, the guy that was my best friend, whom I really did love, in a year and 4 months.

We talked about what happened, and I tried my best to listen with open ears, which I think I did well.  He said how he barely remembers why we stopped being friends, and of course, I reminded him.  He said that he didn't mean it how I took it that night, when he said I needed a clean slate and needed to start over.  That he was drinking the night we talked, which makes sense.

Ready for the kicker?  I asked how his 'wife' was doing.  His response- they broke up.  "Well did you even marry her?"  No.  He didn't.  He said he just told me that to hurt me because he was angry that I wasn't understanding him, and that I took it that he wanted to end our friendship.

I guess what he was trying to say that night was not that our friendship needed to end- but rather that we just needed time apart, and he felt our friendship was strong enough to go on hold, just until Trashy Girl was okay with us being friends.

He apologized.  I could tell he meant it, and that he really did care- but he showed it in an awful way.

We then went on to talk about what has happened to each of us over the past year and 4 months.  He has really gotten his life together- and I really am happy for him.  He broke up with Trashy Girl, and has been seeing a new girl for the past 3 months.  He moved out of his mom's place, and got a car.  He really went into a lot of detail about what had happened to him over the time apart.  I didn't.  It felt like I was starting over, like he didn't know me at all- I couldn't make it as personal as we used to be.  That was sad for me.

I told him that I was glad he was doing well and it was nice seeing him.  I also reminded him that he now has my email and if he'd like to, he can send me a message.

I don't know that he will.  I'd like him to, though.  Either way though, for me, this was closure.  Well needed closure.

I just hate that I feel so sad after it all.  It feels like a part of my heart died.  That chapter of my life is now closed- and there's no replacing the words on the page, or rewriting the ending.  What happened, really did happen- and I realize that more than ever after talking about it with him.

I guess it's time to move on.

Oh, and I did get my book back...